


I Understand

by TheFoolOfNoTrades



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Draco Malfoy Needs a Hug, Dreams and Nightmares, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Gay Panic, Harry Potter Needs a Hug, Harry Potter is a Good Friend, Hermione Granger is a Good Friend, Hermione Needs A Break, Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Ron Weasley Being an Idiot, Self-Harm, Someone Help Her, This is going to be a long fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:01:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 23
Words: 33,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27390889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFoolOfNoTrades/pseuds/TheFoolOfNoTrades
Summary: Harry understands. He understands everything.He understands the war, he understands the pressure, he understands the weight of the world that seemed to always rest on his shoulders, he understands having whispers follow him around everywhere he goes.Harry understands.And that is the exactly the person Draco needs. He's at the edge of a cliff, and Draco needs someone who can pull him back to level ground. He needs a friend. But maybe he finds something more than a friend.WARNING: DEPICTIONS OF SELF-HARM AND MENTAL ILLNESSI'll try to make it slow-burn, but what happens, happens.THESE ARE J.K. ROWLING'S CHARACTERS NOT MINE (In case there is any confusion)
Relationships: Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger & Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger & Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger & Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood & Draco Malfoy, Luna Lovegood & Harry Potter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 55





	1. The Last Train There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally posted this story on Wattpad, so if you see it there, don't worry, I just have a different pen name. I'm just transferring over so I'll be posted all the chapters I already have (24).

Harry Potter was tired to say the least. This was the last train ride to Hogwarts he might ever be on, and he really didn't know how he was supposed to feel. So he just felt tired. It seemed like the only real thing he could feel currently anyway.

He was sitting next to Ron Weasley, who was listening to Hermione Granger ramble on and on about how going back to Hogwarts to finish schooling was a good idea. Harry wasn't really paying any attention, he had heard it all before.

"Don't you think so Harry?" Hermione turned to him.

"Er..." What was she talking about? "Yeah." He gave halfheartedly, hopefully she wouldn't notice he had tuned out a few minuets after they had left the station.

"Really mate? I'da thought you'd be against all the returning eighth years sharing dorms and classes. I mean wouldn't it be better to go to our own dorms? Try to do something normal?" Ron said a little shocked that Harry hadn't sided with him. 

On this, Harry actually did think they should be a all together. Unity. Hadn't everyone lost people during the war? And everyone returning would have known each other for 7 years, they had lost friends together. Why not be there for each other? They could all understand what they had gone through because they did it together. Or at least that's what the muggle counselor had said.

Over the summer, Hermione has gone to talk to this old muggle women, who thankfully knew about the wizarding world. Then, when she said it was helping her, she encouraged the boys to do the same. She drug Harry and Ron to 5 meetings, and neither were too happy about it.

But eventually, Harry decided to talk. Well her more like got mad and yelled something along the lines of 'I deserve the pain but no one else should have to go through this, this is all my fault' and she finally got him to talk about it. And it did make him feel better, because now he knew what to say to people that had lost someone because of him. But he still felt it was his fault, he knew it was.

"Honestly, Ronald, it will be good to have us all in one place. Besides the normal dormitories are already going to be full since they have twice as many first years coming." Hermione said brushing her hair off of her shoulder.

This reminded Harry of the first time he was on this train. How nervous yet happy he felt riding to somewhere where the Dursleys could not get him. He was still nervous, but not happy. Harry hadn't been truly happy for quiet sometime. But he really didn't care anymore. He didn't care about much nowadays, only keeping himself alive until he can somehow pay back all the lives he had taken. All the people, the brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, everyone.

"Harry?" Hermione shook him out of his thoughts, "Harry, I said you should get your robes on, we'll be there in 10 minuets." She looked at him slightly concerned, Over the summer he tended to zone out, and she had hoped that the school would help him focus more, but she was still worried as any best friends should be. Thankfully she didn't mention it.

"Oh, yeah." Harry stood up and reached for his trunk. He silently got dressed and sat for the last few minuets of the last train ride to Hogwarts he would probably ever be on. He had already promised himself not to go to the Borrow for Christmas, too many memories.

~*~*~*~*~

Draco Malfoy was nervous. But not for the reason most people would think. He was nervous because he would be seeing people again. He had spent the entire summer locked up in Malfoy Manor because he didn't want to see or talk to people. He was definitely worried about the stares and the immense about of bullying he was going to get, but he deserved it. He was nervous about having to talk, and worried he'd be hexed repeatedly. 

There was a difference. A big one. At least that's how he saw it. 

The only reason he was even going back was his mother. After his father was sentenced to life in Azkaban, he was all she had left, and he had shut her off. Thankfully he and is mother had gotten off with few reprimands. Many of the young Death Eaters had. But he still didn't talk to her, he kept her in the dark about what he was feeling. Not completely, but enough to make her see that her son would never be the same. As if she even knew her son at all.

The worst part about worrying and nervousness was the anxiety it stemmed from. Draco had suffered anxiety since 4th year, when Voldemort had truly returned. He just never mentioned it. Never talked about the sleepless nights, the nail biting, the ever present pit in his stomach. He didn't want to seem weak, he was a Malfoy, and Malfoy's are not weak.

He had coping mechanisms that helped to keep it from getting too bad, but during the last year, it had driven him over the ledge. Or at least the first ledge, one were he could almost climb up to where he had been before. It almost seemed to tease him... So close yet so far.

Draco sat alone, he had locked the small compartment and made it seem as if is was packed with trunks and bags. He really didn't want to be near anyone.

He had put on his robes as the train had left the station, and sat quietly looking out the window. He had never really looked at the view. It was peaceful, surreal, and green. And this was the second to last time he'd see it. Assuming he survived to see it on the way back.

He almost took out a sketch book and drew it, but decided that it was much more beautiful in real life.

One of the ways her had kept his anxiety at bay was drawing, and he was okay at it, though he never showed anyone. It would pose too many questions, and he hated questions.

'How are you?' was the worst.

He heard shuffling out in the hallway, and waited for most of the people to exit the train, then he undid his charms and walked out alone. He hadn't looked for his 'friends', he didn't want them near him. They'd be the ones to ask questions.

This was the last time he'd step off this train onto the grounds. He had already decided he wouldn't go home for Christmas, it was always lonely now that no one visited. Not that those who visited before had been welcomed guests. Or guests at all.

It's now or never he thought tiredly, and he laughed humorlessly. He followed the sea of student to the carriages, and already got death glares. His right hand instinctively touched his left forearm, it was going to be a long year. The thestrals were as beautiful as he heard a Ravenclaw say a few years ago. Dark and thin, looking like death. 

It was going to be a very long year.

Hopefully, he could survive it.


	2. The Last Sorting Ceremony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's some stuff???

Draco Malfoy scoffed. Of course all the returning 8th years would be sharing a table, and dorms. He hadn't really read the letters he had gotten over the summer, but he knew the basic information that each had enclosed.

He knew that all of them would be sharing classes, dorms, a table, and would not be able to play on their quidditch team. He hadn't cared enough to read why. It just meant he wouldn't have to do anything more than pass his classes and his N.E.W.Ts. 

Of course he had always been 2nd in grades, only under Granger, but now he didn't feel like being above everyone else, he just wanted to be average. He also had no reason to try that hard, no one was breathing down his back to be perfect, and that was one of the only good things that would come out of this year.

Draco felt free to be himself, as long as everyone left him alone.

But he could feel the eyes on him from all around the Great Hall, he tried ignored them. Why play into their hands, if they really wanted to hurt him, they would, and he wouldn't be able to stop them. Wouldn't want to stop them. No amount of taunting or confronting could change that.

Granted he hadn't bullied many people, only those near Ever Perfect Potter. That had been his job, more or less. During the first 4 years, it had been to keep an eye on him. After that, it was to watch him. Learn everything he could about him. Memorize his schedule. Know who he talked to, when he talked to them, and what the conversation was about. 

That had been difficult, since he wasn't exactly friends with Potter and most of the time couldn't get close enough to hear without being noticed. But Draco had his ways, and thus, he learned everything he could about The Boy Who Lived. Which was really interesting, because sometimes he would mention something under his breath about Potter, and no one knew how Draco knew. 

Like his birthday, his favorite dessert, his favorite color, and how he didn't like strawberries.

A stream of nervous 1st years crowded into the Great Hall. There were twice as many, since last year very few had been permitted in to Hogwarts. So this held the 12-year-olds who should have gotten in, and the new 11-year-olds.

McGonagall, the Headmistress, sat the Sorting Hat on a stool in the middle of the front of the Great Hall. Usually the Sorting Hat lively ripped open it's mouth and sang a new song about the houses. But this year, it slowly opened and smiled.

"Hello young witches and wizards. Welcome to Hogwarts!" He boomed, then continued.

"What a wonderful day. A new sorting ceremony under way, and I have a few things I would like to say... First I want to remember, those who can on longer sit with us. Let us take a moment to remember them, whom gave their lives for us that awful night. Secondly I would like to thank those who fought, with every tooth and nail, to grant us this day. And lastly, I would like to add, as the Sorting Hat, I do not have a house, but I have a school. So I would like everyone to know, that a house does not define you. I only separate you because I am told to. We all share a school, we sleep under it's roof, we are one big house. So it does not matter, which house I put you in, do not let it define you." He finished, it almost seemed as though he was looking around the hall, the way the wrinkles looked like eye brows.

And McGonagall read the first name, and one by one, everyone was sorted. Everything was the same. Except, now when any house was called, everyone applauded.

It had started when the first kid was called, a thin boy with curly blonde hair and small face, was sorted in to Slytherin. At first it was only the Slytherin table that cheered, and some 8th years, then, something unusual happened. Harry Potter, the Pride and Joy of Gryffindor, stood up and cheered. Soon, his friends joined in. Then the entire Hall was cheering for this new Slytherin. 

Within 10 seconds, Harry Potter had changed the school again. Of course he did. It was Harry Fucking Potter, the savior. He was perfect in every way, everyone was falling over themselves to listen to him. 

They were all like sheep without a single thought of their own, Draco thought. But even he found himself clapping for the Hufflepuff that was sorted next, and for the Gryffindor that bowed as she got off of the stool.

Maybe Draco could survive this year.

~*~*~*~*~

Harry didn't know why he did it. But he remembered his sorting ceremony. He remembered being cheered for, then he remembered that people also booed. Funny thing, to boo a 11-year-old about something out of their hands. So he stood up and cheered, as if the little boy had been sorted into Gryffindor. Then everyone joined in, and the little boy blushed and smiled so wide, Harry thought his face would split open. Even the professors clapped. A step toward unity. That was what everyone needed anyway.

When the sorting was finally over, Harry's throat felt soar, but he felt a twinge of happiness. He had brought the school closer, and that meant, maybe, this year would be better than his first, and that was all he could hope for.

Then McGonagall silenced the room. "A few start of term announcements," her voice rang across the squirming body of students that could barely wait for the feast. "The Forbidden Forest is, as always, forbidden," she paused and looked at Harry, Ron, and Hermione, a smile playing on her lips, "for all students unless escorted by a professor or myself. I would also like to tell all the 8th years to wait for me after the feast to escort them to their dorms. Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus, never tickle a sleeping dragon, you may not like the outcome. Let the feast, BEGIN!" She boomed and the golden plates magically filled with many meats, vegetables, and desserts. It never stopped amazing Harry every time they filled on their own, even though he knew it was just the house elves in the kitchens. Harry immediately thought of Dobby, and smiled sadly.

Harry enjoyed the feast more than he thought he would. Not that he ate a lot, just that it felt so normal, and he needed that. He watched as Ron stuffed his face, and Hermione chastised him for having no manners. That was normal, and it was good. He listened to laughter and the buzz of conversation, that was normal and good. All the little things, they made the feast enjoyable.

Everyone was is a lively, cheerful conversation when the plates were cleared and prefects escorted everyone to their dormitories. And just like they had been told, the 8th years stayed behind to wait for the Headmistress, who was talking to the professors. 

Then the professors walked out and Hagrid winked at Harry as he passed. McGonagall walk briskly towards them, and motioned for them to stay seated. She looked at each and everyone of them before crossing her arms and smiling at them.

"Thank you all for coming back. I know this is highly unusual, and many of you probably had not wanted to return after everything, but I am glad you all did. I would like to tell you all, that I am proud of everyone of you, and that I could not have a better group of students. We have been together for 7 years. Threw thick and thin, and we all have a story to tell. So, I would like to tell you, my office is always open. If you need to talk, or have a question about these weird times, the password is Lemon Drop." McGonagall smiled again, and wiped a tear away. Not many people had seen McGonagall cry, but everyone knew she had looked around the group and seen, counted, and missed all the people who could not be here. "Now," She had regained her composer, "follow me to your dorms." She briskly walked off, and everyone jumped up and joined her.

Harry walked slightly behind Ron ad Hermione, and he silently went through the names of all that had passed, either the day of the Battle of Hogwarts, or before. It was a long list, and he was saying names until he fell asleep in a new dorm, which happened to be the Room of Requirements. Unlike when DA met here, it had been turned into a dorm, girls rooms on the left, and boys on the right, with a common room in the middle. Within each side, they were separated by house. One large room for each, with the perfect amount of beds that each needed.

Even though it was a new place, it felt almost normal, and that was all he needed.


	3. Quiet Mornings

Harry woke up to another nightmare. Not a scream-because-you're-about-to-die nightmare, a subtle one, that gets your heart racing because you know. You know someone is behind you, you know you're about to die, but you can't scream, can't turn around, and you don't know when you're going to die. One of those nightmares. But at least it wasn't that early in the morning.

He quickly got dressed and headed it the new 8th year common room. He didn't feel like waking Ron, but also didn't want to sit and listen to his snoring. Honestly, you'd think he'd learn to put a silencing charm on his bed by now. But that was Ron, and no one else seemed to mind. And sometimes Neville's snoring was bad too. 

The new common room was larger than the one in the Gryffindor tower. It had twice as many chairs and sofas, and a large fireplace on the opposite wall from the door. It had all four banners hanging, and the furniture was also in one of the four main colors. The floor was a brown and black stone pattern, with a few worn rugs thrown around. There was also a few portraits of wizards who were sleeping, and of a witch who was knitting. She looked up briefly at Harry and went back to her work without a word.

Harry was walking over to the fireplace when he saw he wasn't alone. Someone else was in a chair slightly angled away from Harry, but he knew who it was. Draco Malfoy had let his hair grow out over the summer, that and the fact his hair wasn't gelled back, made it seem longer. He almost looked like his father, but his mothers traits made his face softer. Harry noticed he was drawing something, he made long strokes with his drawing quill and traced it over carefully. His legs were pulled up onto the chair with him, and the bottom of his sketch pad rested on his knee, while his left hand held it with his fingers clutching it from the top.

Draco looked up and met Harry's eyes. Draco clenched his jaw and became stiff. Neither boy said anything, and Harry looked away first, he continued to the fireplace, and sat down in front of the low fire. He felt Draco's eyes on him as he sat down, but ignored it. If it had been another time of day, or last year, he would started something, or hexed him, but he didn't. He just let it slide, because both boys should probably still be asleep, but for reasons, they were not. So Harry ignored Draco's presence and began doing what he always did when he was alone with his thoughts, he pictured his happy place.

Well, he would call it happy, more like peaceful. The muggle counselor had told him to go there when ever he felt upset, or sad, or like everything was his fault, so he ended up there a lot. He was sitting on his broom, above a vast forest, and the sun was rising. The wind gently caressed his face, and he could hear the sound of bird calls below him. There were mountains in the distance, and he knew there was a lake behind him somewhere. But he didn't go anywhere. He stayed still on his broom and looked down at the tree tops.

He felt calm, alone, and at peace when he was here. There was no one around him. No voices, no expectations. Just him. Just him and this longing to fall off his broom. Not to die, just to free fall toward the beautifully green tree tops. Forever falling, never hitting anything. Maybe his happy place self was going to it's own happy place, and that's why he felt like falling. Not that it mattered, he wouldn't fall. Because he knew that just because he was alone right now, didn't mean he would be alone for long. He knew that soon he would need to do something, that people expected him to do something, but he just sat there. Maybe that is what made it beautiful, and so amazingly peaceful. The fact that he was putting everything off, and just sitting there. Who cared that he was probably needed somewhere? Or that someone needed his saving? They could wait, because Harry was going to do something for himself for once.

He was staring at the fire and his eyes began to dry. He must have been sitting there for 20 minuets, and his butt was starting to ache. He blinked a few times and listened to see if anyone else had came it, because the fireplace was the only thing in his view. But all he heard was Malfoy's quill scratching away at the drawing parchment. Harry wondered what he was drawing, but resisted the urge to ask. Just because they weren't hexing each other did not mean they were friends. Besides, by the end of the day they would be at each others throats because that is what was normal. Also Ron had already said he didn't like having Malfoy so close to their dorm.

But for now, he sat in silence, as the other boy drew behind him.

~*~*~*~*~

Draco didn't know why he was drawing Potter, but he was. It might have been because he hadn't talked to him, or maybe simply because he could.

Draco was really glad Potter hadn't said anything, he really didn't feel like starting things this early. But he was prepared for it when Potter walked in. Thankfully Potter understood that it was indeed to early to argue with anyone. But he knew if it was Weasley, he would have been hexed, or just told to sod off at the very least.

But there was something about Potter being quiet that intrigued Draco. Something about Potter being up this early. Maybe he had gotten tired of all the snoring that came from his room. Last night Draco could hear it through the walls, and then finally someone had put a silencing charm on the room.

Honestly how could anyone sleep with that racket? They probably could because they had spent the last 7 years with each other that they didn't seem to notice any more. Was it maybe Potter that was snoring? Draco's bets were on Weasley though, Potter didn't seem like the type to snore.

Draco looked over at Potter for reference. He was drawing Potter with his back toward him, and his knees drawn up to his chest, though you couldn't see it, you knew that's where is legs were. He drew the fire light illuminating a small circle of area around Potter, then it slowing fading out into nothing. 

The size of the fireplace made Potter seem tinier than he really was, but Draco liked it like that. It seemed to emphasizing that the Savior of the Wizarding World was still young. 

And maybe it made Draco feel better when he thought that Potter was young, because that meant that he was also young, and had so much life left. That the events that took place here wouldn't be it. There was more, so much more.

Draco looked up again at Potter, and let his eyes linger. He sketched Potter with his eyes, moving them along his back and hair. Then he went back to the parchment, and drew in Potters wildly perfect hair.

He drew strands halfway shining with firelight, other just seemed to be black lines in the light. But this was exactly what Potters hair looked like. As if someone had came by and placed each tuft of hair in opposing directions.

Draco ran his fingers threw his own hair and flipped it to one side. Draco wondered what was going though The Chosen Ones head that allowed him to sit still for almost 30 minuets. Draco could barely sit still for 5 if he had nothing to fidget with. But it didn't matter. 

Draco then realized that he was relaxed. He hadn't really been thinking about much, just drawing Perfect Harry Potter, and he had somehow relaxed. He guessed drawing really did help.

About 5 minuets later, Potter sighed and stood up. Draco looked down at his drawing, it was almost finished. Saint Potter walked out of the common room without looking back, and Draco finished up the drawing. 

He sighed the parchment at the bottom right corner and closed the sketch pad. He looked around the room, it felt emptier than before Potter had shown up. He swung his legs down and was about to stand up when he thought of something.

Both he and Potter weren't able to sleep. He gave a short laugh. Perfect Saint Harry Fucking Potter had something in common with Draco Malfoy, a wizard disaster.

The same wizard disaster Potter had defended at his trail, and his mothers.

This year might actually be okay. If he survives it.


	4. Classes

Draco's day took a turn for the worst.

It had happened as soon as he stepped into the Great Hall for breakfast.

Granted, he was expecting this kind of treatment, he was an ex-Death Eater, he had the Dark Mark. But this was juvenile.

A Tripping Hex, then after he got up, a Swollen Tongue charm, that made is tongue swell into the size of a golf ball. He then walked to the hospital wing and got it fixed.

Madam Pomfrey quickly sorted things out and gave him a small breakfast since he was likely to miss it. She didn't ask any questions, but looked as if she wanted to.

Then Draco thought, she knows. His mother must have owled her.

Over the summer, he would look at his Mark for hours and hours on end, wishing it would disappear. But it didn't, and there was no known way to get rid of it. 

At first, Draco had just wanted to tear it off. But for a long time he resisted. Then one night, it was late, some would call it early, he broke. He tried to rip off the dreadful thing, but his mother came in when she heard the painful screaming.

When she healed it, the Mark was back, just as horribly undamaged it had been.

Then, he tried again with a knife, that hadn't worked either. 

But the pain took his mind away.

Now his left forearm had rows and rows of thin scars.

Funny, the scars seemed to distort the Mark into something different, and that made Draco feel better about it.

When he left the hospital wing, he headed immediately to his first class, Charms. It was a little odd that all the 8th years would be sharing most classes, considering that not all of them were interested in the same N.E.W.Ts. But if this was how it was going to be, he had to get used to it.

Before he entered the class, he was interrupted by the annoying voice of Weasley.

"Oi! Malfoy! I saw your swan dive this morning! I give it and 8 out of 10. It would be perfect if you had landed on your face." The Weasel said laughing at Draco.

Draco whipped around and snarled, "You would know about swan dives Weasel, I've seen you on a broom. Flying would be to generous of a term. It was more like you falling then catching yourself just before you bust your fat arse." Draco spat.

Weasel had turned red in the face, and looked as if he was about to yell, but was cut off by Granger, "Ronald. He's not worth it. Come on, class is about to start." She walked off, the rest of the Golden Trio on her heals.

As they passed, Draco smirked, "Yeah, you should listen to your Mudblood," He almost physically flinched at the word, he had never liked saying it, but he was a Malfoy, "girlfriend. She's the only one that would stoop low enough to date you." 

Ron whipped around, wand pointing right at Draco's face, but Draco didn't move, with his eyes he silently dared Weasley to do it. Wanted Weasley to do it.

Then the Golden Boy himself spoke for the first time that morning, "He's not worth it." He said it quietly, then reached and pushed Weasley's hand lower.

That stung. Draco didn't know why, but hearing that from Saint Potter hurt. He didn't show it though. He watched the Trio walk into the classroom, and he felt his left forearm burn. It did that every now and a again.

It was like an itch, and it wouldn't go away easily.

Draco didn't think he would survive this year.

~*~*~*~*~

Harry hadn't meant that Malfoy was worth nothing, but that was the way it came out. He immediately wanted to apologize, but for what? He had stopped Ron from killing Malfoy right there in the hallway, and Ron would defiantly killed him, but Harry kept thinking about this morning. Maybe he was reading to far into the silence they had both kept in the common room, but it seemed like Malfoy was just going through the motions when people were around, much like Harry.

But Charms was starting, and he was going to need to get an Exceeds Expectations in Charms if he wanted to qualify for Auror training. So he sat and listened more intently than he had in a class before, besides Lupin's class that it. He tried not to think about Lupin, too many things would swarm his head. Somehow he was able to keep focus until class ended, and he headed off to double potions.

Now that was a class he would really need to focus in. He was never really fond of potions, and he blamed Snape for that, but the professor had been a good man in the end. And Slughorn would be teaching, so it wouldn't be that bad. He hoped. He did well last year he was in school, but that was thanks to a book he had found. This year was definitely going to be hard. He just needed to get at least 5 N.E.W.Ts of Exceeds Expectations. McGonagall recommends he go for Transfiguration, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Potions, and Charms. Harry also hoped to add Care for Magical Creatures to that list. With of course Apparition, all Aurors needed to be able to properly apparate.

Slughorn welcomed them and explained the lesson for the day, "We're going to review two potions we had already made, just to see where you all stand. I hope this is a relaxed lesson, we don't need to overwork you all on the first day back. The first potion is a low level Beautification potion. The ingredients can be found on page 298 of your textbook. At the end of the hour, I will be testing the potion on myself. I hope you lot don't kill me." He chuckled, and everyone started gathering ingredients.

Hermione finished first and sat looking pleased with herself. Harry's potion turned out the right color, and he felt proud he could make something right. A few minutes after Harry finished, Seamus's potion, as always, exploded. He looked more mildly inconvenienced by it than shocked. Dean, who had just finished himself, laughed and helped him clean it up. Dean, who towered over Seamus by at least a foot, ran his hand through Seamus's hair to help get the soot out, and Seamus hit his hand away.

"Now that was exiting. You must have added in the fairy wings in two at a time, the instructions say one by one. Go make sure you didn't inhale much of that smoke, it will make your skin green. Mr.Thomas, can you escort him? With green skin comes backwards legs." Slughorn said, excusing the two boys from class. Harry heard them talking as they walked out the door, something about a Hogsmead weekend coming up. "Now!" Slughorn clapped, "time to make me beautiful!"

One by one he tried and reversed to effects, and most people passed. Malfoy's, unsurprisingly, worked the best, making all of Slughorns wrinkles fade away and his teeth white. Slughorn joked that he didn't want to reverse it. Ron said it must be why Malfoy isn't as ugly as one would think a awful git like him would be. Harry silently agreed Malfoy wasn't ugly. But he saw the bags under his eyes, and Harry knew the potion would have taken those away. Malfoy was all his own. Not that Harry thought he was attractive, just not ugly.

Neville's was the worst, it made Slughorn age, and no one could figure out what he did wrong. And they started the next potion, Veritaserum. This one they would need to be partnered for, and Ron immediately joined Hermione. So Harry looked around, everyone else was paring up, but he felt like he should pair with Malfoy. He didn't know why exactly, but he felt like he needed to. 

As she sat down Malfoy sneered, "Need my expertise Potter? We know you'd probably fail this one worse than Longbottom will." But Harry turn to him with the tired expression that he had been trying to hide all day.

"No need to talk. We probably work best in silence anyway." It wasn't exactly what Harry meant, but he figured Malfoy understood. And they worked in silence for the rest of the class, only talking when absolutely necessary. Then class was dismissed, since Veritaserum needed to sit over night for potency. Harry joined Ron and Hermione, who were talking about their classes after lunch.

"Really 'Mione, I don't see why we have so many classes today. They could have spread it out more. Tomorrow we only have one class, even though it's not with everyone. I just don't see why not switch it around." Ron was complaining.

"Well, Ronald, if you think about it, the teachers have to fit in another class into their schedule, today was probably the only day free. And some of our courses tomorrow run longer than others. You and Harry have a class of Care of Magical Creatures, I have Arithmancy and a extra Charms class. Sadly McGonagall hadn't let me sign up for more." Hermione added.

"And we have Friday, another half day. I'm taking Apparition," Harry added, mentally running through his timetable, which he had only looked at this morning when Hermione had got on to him. Old habits die hard he guessed. Ron had started talking again, but Harry was lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice much. But when someone brushed past him he heard the word "Abomination" come off their lips. He turned too see who the person was talking about.

He looked where they were facing, and saw Draco Malfoy ignoring a group of 6th years that were making fun of him. Malfoy walked off pretending not to notice them. He walked off in the opposite direction, and Harry wondered why he was going. They had lunch, then the 8th years had Transfiguration. But Malfoy was going down another hall. Not that it mattered to Harry. Malfoy was is own person, he could handle himself. But Harry found himself worrying about Malfoy during lunch none the less.


	5. Remember The Silence

Harry didn't see Malfoy again until Transfiguration, when he walked in and Malfoy was already sitting down. Harry wondered where he had gone to. Not that it mattered, he was just curious. Besides, Harry could understand why Malfoy had not wanted to be in the Great Hall with that many people. Harry probably understood more than anyone else.

Class was starting, and the new professor stood up from her small desk in the front of the class. It was weird not having McGonagall for Transfiguration, but the new professor seemed fine. She was a thin, short woman, who's hair fell just below her shoulders, she was a lot younger than McGonagall. Her voice was soft, yet held presence, and everyone paid attention as she introduced herself and immediately started class. Her name was Malnee Clawford, and had been in Ravenclaw during her time at Hogwarts. She was Bill Weasley's age, and Harry wondered if they knew each other.

Through out class they took notes and answered questions that she would throw in to check if everyone was paying attention. Soon the class was over, and most people headed to the 8th year common room, or their respective dorms. Hermione suggested they sit and talk about their day, she had said that it was good to talk things out, especially after a new experience.

"This isn't a new experience 'Mione, we've done this 6 times before. Besides, it was a pretty normal day. Nothing out of the ordinary happened." Ron commented as they sat near the fire.

"Still, we should still talk, be friends. We haven't really hung out in a while like we used to." She added as the set the book she had been holding next to her.

"I mean, it's not really the same anyway. With us dating and all, it's a little weird." Ron added.

"Ronald." Only Hermione and Mrs.Weasley called him that. "Just because we're together doesn't mean we can't be friends, and do friend things. Besides, the 3 of us aren't dating, we can't leave Harry out of it." She turned to Harry, but he didn't say anything.

Harry wasn't really paying attention, all the focusing had drained him. All he wanted to do right now was sleep, well, sleep as much as he could. More likely than not, he'd be up before the sun rose, just like this morning. But he wouldn't mind a repeat of this morning, it was more clam than the rest of his day. It hadn't left him feeling drained, in fact, it almost made him feel better. Silent, but not alone. He found himself hoping that Malfoy would be there again when he inevitably woke up before everyone else. It was peaceful, even if it was Malfoy that was there.

He also started to think about today in potions, the silence they had both been fine with while working together. Harry was glad he had partnered with Malfoy, anyone else would have wanted to talk to him. Mostly about the war. Always the war. Did people not think of anything else now? Harry was really glad Malfoy hadn't wanted to talk about the war. Harry knew it probably had something to do with what Malfoy had gone through. Though he didn't know all of it, Harry knew there was more to Malfoy than what met the eye, even if it was buried under layers of ego and slurs. That was one of the reasons he had spoken in Draco Malfoy's defense at his trial.

"Harry?" Once again, Hermione broke him out of his thoughts. "Do you want to talk about something?" She said softly, knowing Harry's mind had been wondering.

"Err, um, no. I actually think I'm going to lay down." He said standing up. He added, "I'll see you guys at dinner." Then walked off before they could protest.

He sat down on his bed and sighed. He laid back and threw his right forearm over his eyes but his glasses got in the way. He took off his glasses and set them aside. Harry was really exhausted, all he wanted to do was sleep, and slowly he faded into uneasy slumber. A dream about fireplaces and sketch pads met him as he slept.

~*~*~*~*~

Draco Malfoy had barley been able to stop himself from adding to his collection of scars on his left forearm. 

He wanted to. Needed to. But didn't.

Usually, he had no self-control when it came to this, but now, he felt like it would cause more problems. Please, he begged to himself, no more problems.

So Draco sat in a abandoned broom closet and tried to stop himself from hyperventilating. He sat there for what seemed like forever, when he decided to go to class. He hadn't heard to bell to signal lunch was done, so he figured he'd be the first one there.

And he was. It was only him and the new teacher, and they sat in silence.

Silence. Like this morning. Why couldn't he stop thinking about this morning? There was something about it, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

He was completely lost in thought when class started, and dreaded having to pay attention. But he did so anyway, this wasn't his best subject.

Throughout class, he often faded into his own mind, then his thoughts circled back to his Mark. When it did, he quickly shook himself out of it. 

At the end of class he slowly put his stuff away, and was the last one in the classroom. Draco didn't want to go back to the common room, so he thought about going to the library. Then he felt someone touch his arm.

He turned around ready to walk away if it was someone else wanting to tell him he should be rotting away in Azkaban like his father, but it was only Professor Clawford.

She handed him an apple, "I figured you hadn't eaten, considering when you came into my class. Try not to skip meals, it's not good for your health." Her voice was sweet, and he took the apple.

"Thank you." He said quietly, almost sadly, and he left without another word.

That was really the first time someone had treated him like a person that day. And he felt his eyes start to water.

He pulled himself together as he walking into the 8th year common room.

He got there just as Potter was walking to his dorm, leaving behind his friends.

Then Draco remembered the silence.

Professor Clawford had been the second person to treat Draco like a person, Harry Potter was the first. The he felt like he wanted to cry again, so he quickly made his way to his dorm.

Please, he thought, let me survive this year.


	6. An Unspoken Agreement

Draco Malfoy cried silently. Tears streamed down his face, and his heart seemed to be getting crushed by all the words spoken to him that day.

It wasn't like he didn't deserve them, he did, he knew it. He was the one who let the Death Eaters into the castle, but it still hurt.

He had more regrets than he could count, than he wanted to count, and they loomed over him like a dark presence ready to drop down on him with the slightest movement.

He knew he couldn't skip dinner, but he didn't want to go to the Great Hall. Because every time he saw people, it hurt because it reminded him of what he had done to them. They looked at him as if he had the words 'Death Eater' stamped across his forehead. But in reality, it was tattooed on his left forearm.

So he went to the kitchens. Though he'd never been before, he knew where they were, and how to get in. That was Crabbe and Goyles fault, they had talked so loudly to each other he always over heard everything. Though they weren't the brightest of the bunch, he almost missed their bold presence.

As he stepped into the kitchens he was greeted by many exited house elves. They swarmed him and fussed over why he wasn't at dinner with everyone else. Then immediately whipped up a meal for him right there.

They asked him what he thought with expectant eyes, he couldn't help but give a small smile and tell them that it was the best dinner he had ever had. They were over joyed at this and Draco found himself enjoying the elves.

As he left he told himself he'd have to come back, a lot. He figured he'd spend most meals from now on in there. Sure it wasn't silent, but no one had called him a abomination.

Abomination. The word that had truly sent him spiraling. He tried to forget just how much he agreed with that word, but he couldn't. He was an abomination.

Murder.

Scum.

Filth.

Evil.

Death Eater.

And he should be with is father. In a cell in Azkaban, surrounded by dementors. Slowly having his happy memories fade away from him. Forever in the dark. Forever miserable.

Yet here he was. At Hogwarts, with people he had betrayed. He was free from dementors, but not himself.

He didn't deserve to be happy ever again. He deserved to always suffer.

Maybe that's why he fell asleep and once again stopped himself from covering his Mark in his own blood. Because it was a way of escape, and he needed to suffer.

Draco Malfoys dreams, as always, were filled with flashed of viper green light, and screams. But at least he was able to sleep that night. Sleep without resting, that is.

Yet, like everything in Draco's life that seemed to be good for him, sleep slowly seeped away from him soon. He never really got sleep anyway, and his tiredness felt normal.

So just like the day before, he grabbed his sketch book and made his way silently to the common room. He almost felt disappointment that Potter wasn't there to accompany his silence, but quickly shook the thoughts from his head. 

He opened the pad only to have his mind suddenly blank, no ideas on what to draw, or where to even begin to sketch. And before he could stop himself, he thought of his father.

He loved him, because he was his father, but he couldn't forgive him. His father was the reason he was so hated, because from a young age, Draco had been groomed to be a Death Eater. From the moment he was born, his father tried to ingrain in him is own ideals, and it had worked. Until he got to Hogwarts, and the illusion shattered. 

But the only reason it did was Perfect Harry Fucking Potter and his friends. They had shown him what a load of shit is father had been dumping on him. Yet, he still followed his father almost blindly, and had never once stood up for what he became to know as true.

He thought it had something to do with his mother, even though she never stopped the excessive punishments that would fall upon him with he would step out of line. She would sit there, and look away, as her son fell further away from her. Yet after each one, she would hug him tightly, and look at him as if she had a million words she wanted to say, but she never did. But when his father wasn't home, she would sit silently by him, then tell him one thing again and again, as if anything more might cause more harm then healing.

"Be yourself, because I love you, Dragon" Then she'd stand up and kiss the top of his head.

So he had is own opinions, but he never went against his father, because he was a Malfoy, and in his fathers mind that meant something different than in Draco's mind. In his fathers mind it meant he was better, stronger, smarter, and over all worth more than the people around him.

But in Draco's mind, it was a fucking burden, it only caused harm, judging looks, and had stopped him from being himself. His last name kept him from having real friends, only minions. Kept him from doing the things that he loved like painting. Kept him from expressing any emotion that wasn't hate towards people. He kept him from being a good person.

But he couldn't bring himself to stand up to his father, and maybe that's why he wasn't put into Gryffindor. But then again, he wasn't wise, or ambitious, or even loyal, or anything other than a pawn in a game his father had thrown him into. He felt as if he didn't belong anywhere.

Then footsteps approached him, and he was about to leave when he saw Perfect Potter come in and sit down in a chair by the fireplace, pulling his legs to his chest, and gazing into the fire.

Draco suddenly had something to draw, something new, and he leaned slightly forward, looked at Potter for a moment and began to mark the blank page.

As he relaxed and fell into his drawing, he felt as if surviving this year wouldn't be that hard, because the silence that was held was nothing less than perfectly promising.

~*~*~*~*~

Harry was glad Malfoy was there when he walked in. Though he didn't really understand why. It wasn't like he wanted him there, or anyone there, but still, he was glad. So he walked silently over to a chair and sat down on it, hugging his knees to his chest, and slowly his mind shifted to his happy place. Because he had had a nightmare. And this one was a bad one.

There was green flashed every where. Screams that filled the air. His own heart was crushed by the sadness and desperation in those cries, because the ones screaming weren't the ones who were dying, it was their loved ones. They were the screams that haunted him in every waking second. Every single thought he had was joined with a heart broken cry that split the world into two. And they were his fault. He caused those. Because of him and his half-assed plan to defeat the most evil dark wizard that had ever risen to power.

Harry Potter was supposed to save everyone. Harry Potter was supposed to end it. Harry Potter was the only one who stood a chance. Yet in the end, it hadn't mattered, because people died. Good people, who followed him to battle, who trusted him. They would never be able to do anything ever again, their last act was following a boy with no experience and no plan into battle with some of the most evil, cunning, and vicious people that one could find.

His fault, because he was Harry Fucking Potter. He didn't deserve to be praised, he should be shunned, left alone to die forgotten. Yet people wanted his autograph, wanted to talk to him. When those who died would never talk again. He felt alone, so very alone in his own mind. Lonely and trapped. There was no escape, no way to get fresh air, no way to leave his thoughts behind. And he got claustrophobic in his own head. The way the thoughts seemed to press in on him from all sides. He knew there was no way to let them out. No way to stop them, and he felt he couldn't breath.

So he sat in the common room in silence, with Draco Malfoy, off in his happy place, felling like he could never escape.

Soon enough though, he had to leave. Ron was bound to wake up and worry, so he better be there so he didn't fuss. He felt empty as he left the common room. He felt empty the rest of the day. Even though he only had one class, he felt so drained he got to his dorm and sat there for hours, while Ron tried to engage him into meaning less conversations. Eventually Ron gave up and went to find Hermione. Harry wasn't bothered much by this, it gave him one less thing to worry about. He ended up leaving as Dean and Seamus walked in and started talking. He wasn't mad though, he just left them be. Though he could have sworn he had seen it, from the corner of his eye, Dean had been holding Seamus's hand.

Weird. He had never noticed. What else had he never noticed about the people around him. He suddenly felt horrible for always being up in his own head. What other important relationships had he not noticed, or facts about people he claimed to care about. He started to feel worse, and by the time dinner came, he was at an all time low. He quickly ate something and rushed to his bed, he wanted the day to end, to stop in it's tracks, to just leave him alone. He sat breathing heavily on his bed and laid down. He hated himself. Hated everything that he did. Hated the way people looked at him. Hated everything that had to do with him. He hated himself. And he fell asleep hating himself. 

The next morning, he once again woke up before the sun rose, and sat in the common room silently with Draco Malfoy. And again he found himself sitting in a different position. Found himself drifting to his happy place. Thinking, hating himself, hurting, battling thoughts for the space in his head. Again and again, day after day, all week, he did this. But the mornings grew into a habit, the silence felt comfortable, and it was never broken. It only ended with Harry had to leave to insure that his mornings where secret. He didn't want to ruin the only time of peace he had.

Even on Saturday and Sunday, they sat in silence before the sun rose, before others had even dared to stir in their beds, they sat. Harry always seemed to find a new sitting position, and Malfoy always seemed to be drawing something. Sure Harry was intrigued, but he didn't want to ruin this time he had to himself. No unwanted questions, no talking, no pretending to care. Only silence.

Then Monday came around, and he found himself again sitting in front of the fireplace, soaking in the silence that was only challenged by the scratching of Malfoys quill, but that became white noise, easily ignored. And Harry found himself smiling. When he had started smiling, he didn't know, but here he was, smiling. It wasn't a big smile, it was small, and Harry wondered if it could even be seen, or if it was hidden under the constant blank face he maintained around people. But it was a genuine smile. And it made him feel good. Today was going to be a good day, he could feel it. But that scared him, he hadn't had a good day in such a long time, he didn't know how to handle it.

Way too soon, he left, he didn't want to leave, but he knew Ron was going to wake up any minute now and he needed to be there when he did. And he started the day with Ron telling him about his dream, which Harry didn't pay any attention to. Then breakfast came and went rather quickly, he hardly remembers siting there for longer than 10 minutes. Then Charms was easy, they were once again reviewing simple charms, and Harry found himself impatient, but he didn't know why. What did he have to look forward to today?

He wasn't very pleased with the answer. Not that it was bad, it just didn't feel like something he should have been exited about. No, we wasn't exited about potions with Malfoy, he was exited about the silence. That was it. The silence, noting more. If there was no silence he wouldn't be able to stand being in the same room as him. But here he was, sitting in silence as Slughorn gave each pairing the Veritaserum from last week. 

"Now, be careful on how much you take, it has sat a whole week, and is very strong. So, unless you wish to be telling the truth for a month, better not take more than a small spoon full." Slughorn warned, "Now, each of you take the potion, and ask each other a question, though if you already know the answer it isn't really that fun, now is it? Anyway, in a few minuets I'll come around and ask each pairing how they did." 

Harry looked to Malfoy and saw a blank, calm, expression, but his eyes seemed to say differently. Harry immediately wondered what he would ask. Many questions came to mind, but he knew if he asked to wrong one, the silent morning were going to be ruined. As much as he wanted to know Malfoys secrets, the would rather have silence. So taking the Veritaserum, he again looked at Malfoy who had also just taken some. They sat in a now awkward silence for a few seconds.

"When did you start drawing?" Harry asked quietly. It was a simple question, nothing personal, and it could be answered with one or two words.

"4th year." Malfoy responded in the same quiet voice. As if they feared speaking any louder would break the silence to a point of no return. "Why do you sit in a different spot everyday." Malfoy looked hesitant to ask, as if it was bigger than it was.

Harry found himself wanting to say 'I don't know', but what he said was, "Because someone once said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. So I sat somewhere different to avoid insanity." Harry himself didn't even know that was the reason, but he guessed his mind did. 

"We're both already insane, no point in trying to stop it." Malfoy said, but he looked shocked at himself. The Veritaserum really did work

"Very insane." Was all Harry said. And the rest of the class was spent in a comfortable silence, just like their mornings.


	7. A Haunting Smile

Harry Potter wasn't in the mood to talk to Ron. Not that he was in a bad mood, in fact if Ron had asked him anything else he would have said something. But Ron had asked about Malfoy.

"Come on Harry, what did you ask? Please tell me it was something embarrassing." Ron pushed, causing Harry to want to punch him. The reason why still eluded him.

"His favourite colour." Harry was glad he had only taken a little Veritaserum, other wise he might tell Ron about his secret mornings.

"Really? That's boring. Why didn't you ask something a bit more interesting? Seriously mate, You could have really learned a lot." Ron continued, Harry got more agitated. Why did Ron want to know anyway? Malfoy wasn't important, he was no one. To Ron at least.

"What is is favourite colour?" Hermione asked softly, at least she knew when to drop a subject.

"Green." Of course he had no idea if this was true, but neither would Hermione.

"Ah. Anyway, did you like the second potion we made today? I found it quiet interesting." Bless Hermione, queen of changing the subject.

"The only thing I want to know it who was the bloke who decided mixing dragon dung and pixie teeth into a cauldron of boiling hedgehog spit was a good idea." Ron interjected, dropping the subject of Malfoy. "They must have been mental."

"Actually, if you'd been paying attention, you would have heard Professor Slughorn say it was a potions master who knew what each ingredient did separately and came to the conclusion that mixing them together would create an enlarging potion. The only thing he didn't know was how to add them in. He wasn't mental, he was brilliant." Hermione said in a voice that often amused Harry, because it sounded like McGonagall, but Harry was already zoning out.

His mind drifted to Malfoy, and how he had said they were both insane. Of course it was true, Harry agreed with it, and they had both been in under the effect of a very effective Veritaserum. Harry almost laughed at the similarities between the two boys. Even though he thought them to be very different, it was Malfoy for goodness sake. A uptight rich prat who had daddy issues. But Harry knew there was more to Malfoy than that, but he also knew that knowing that was a dangerous path, he could end up friends with the brat. The brat that had been nothing but mean to his friends for years. He had constantly harassed them and belittled them, he was mean and conceded.

But, he had claimed both of them had been insane, not just Harry, but himself too. Malfoy wasn't just a prat, even though that was a big part of it. He was just older than Harry, young, with potential to do the right thing. Even if the big decisions were over, he had thousands of tiny ones he could make. And tiny things add up. Harry knew he was venturing down a dangerous path, but Malfoy had changed, perhaps for the better.

But other people didn't care, because Harry heard all the names being called out to Malfoy. Harry saw all the jinxes and hexes he was hit with on a daily bases. Harry noticed how he was always alone, never talking, never standing up for himself. It almost pained Harry to see how Malfoy was treated, and how he didn't even stand up for himself. That was not the Malfoy he knew, this was a broken person with nothing to live for, and Harry understood that. But coming from Malfoy, it didn't seem right. And he wanted to talk to some one about it, but he knew Ron would tell him that Malfoy deserved it, and Hermione would ask why he cared, and why he noticed so much about Malfoy in the first place.

So after Transfiguration, Harry went to talk to someone who he had often found himself seeking advice from over the summer. Luna Lovegood had been the only person to really know what was going on in Harry's head, and Harry didn't really know why he had opened up to Luna, but in the end, she really helped. She had really good advice, and Harry knew she wouldn't ask more questions than necessary. So he found comfort in Luna, and her weird useful advice.

"Hey Luna." Harry said as he walked into the greenhouse Luna was standing in. She was there to help Neville with some of his plants, and had only known she was there because he had over heard Neville mention it at lunch.

"Hello Harry." She said in a very Luna Lovegood voice, soft, full of some kind of wonder, and sweet. "How have you been?"

"The same as always." Harry responded sitting next to her, she understood what he had meant.

"What can I do for you? I see there's something on your mind." How she saw that, he didn't know, but he knew better than to ask. She sat down next to him. As always, she gave him her undivided attention.

"Oh." He tried to think of a way to explain it, without mentioning the his mornings. "Well, I've noticed something that I don't really like, about someone, and I just wanted someone to talk it out to, you know, so I can work it out." He said throwing words together, hoping they made sense.

"Oh, I see. Well, what have you noticed about who?" Luna said softly, not pushing, just inquiring.

"It's about Malfoy," Harry said quietly, he looked over to Luna, trying to see if it was okay to continue. She hadn't said anything, so he began, "I've just noticed, that he seems to be quiet. And that he hasn't been talking much, like he used to. He's been letting people make fun of him, letting himself get bullied, and it... it just seems odd. I mean... I glad he's not being mean... but he also isn't really... I don't know... himself... and it's weird. I've only heard him insult Hermione, Ron, and myself once or twice... I mean, it's okay that he's not being mean... but he's just not..." Harry was really at a loss for the right words.

"It's that he's being quiet, and keeping to himself, which is very un-Malfoy like, and abnormal, and you want things to be normal." Of course Luna knew exactly what he wanted to say, she was Luna after all.

"Yeah. I don't know. Honestly, I don't know why I noticed. I have so much in my mind, Malfoy should be the least of my worries, yet here I am, getting sidetracked by Malfoy. It's like 6th year all over again." Harry buried his head in his hands. 6th year had been a mess, he hated the fact it felt like 6th year all over again.

"Maybe you should talk to him. If you wanted to. It might clear things up." Luna suggested, and of course this was probably the best thing to do, but, he couldn't.

"What if he doesn't want to talk and I just make things worse?" Harry said, he thought of his silent mornings, what would happen if he no longer had those?

"I don't know Harry, maybe then you should just wait and see if it gets better. But I think waiting will just make your head even more of a mess. If you do decide to talk to him, do it while both of you are alone. It might help if it's only you two, he'd be more likely to be honest with you." Luna gently touched his shoulder.

"Thanks Luna, you really are amazing." He stood up and felt somewhat better, he had put his worry into words, and that was progress. He kissed Luna on the temple in a platonic way and walk out of the green house. Now he knew what he could do. He could talk to Malfoy in the mornings, or he could wait to see if it got better. He didn't want to ruin his only time of peace so soon, so he decided to wait. Hopefully, this could work itself out, but he knew it was doubtful.

But Harry walked into the 8th year common room with clearer head than he'd had in a very long time.

~*~*~*~*~

Draco could not get Potter off of his mind.

He didn't know why, but the other boy just always seemed to loom near his thoughts, and he didn't like it. Why would he be thinking of Harry Fucking Potter on is own free time? 

Draco tried to see what was so important that his brain needed to keep reminding him of Potter. It could have been Potters agreement that they were both insane, but is continuous thoughts about Potter had started this morning. 

So Draco went back and reviewed what happened this morning. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing that wasn't what normally happened.

Draco had gotten out to the common room a few minutes earlier than Potter. Potter then walked in, sat down in a new spot, and Draco drew him. 

Today, Potter had been slightly angled towards him, and Draco was able to see most of his face. Thankful that Potter was oblivious as always and hadn't noticed Draco glancing up at him every few seconds.

There was a moment though, when Draco thought Potter had seen him, because Potter had smiled-

That was it. The smile.

Even thinking about it, Draco felt a pit in his stomach. Potter had smiled, while he was in the room. Draco didn't know why he felt so oddly about Potter smiling, but there was the pit in his stomach that showed he felt something.

Draco hated feeling anything he couldn't describe. He so badly wanted to know. But he had never felt this way before. It was almost guilt, but warmer.

Draco sat on his bed and opened up to his sketch from this morning.

He had drawn the smile.

There it was, plain as day, a small, yet meaningful smile.

Draco found himself wanting the morning to come, wanting Harry Potter to walk into the common room, sit down and smile, where only Draco could see.

What on earth was wrong with him? Why did he want to see Potter smile again? What was so special about this smile?

He had seen many smiles on Potters face, because he had always been around Potter, but this one was different, new. Draco hated new.

He found himself pacing around the deserted common room at 2 in the morning. He only had one class the next day, so he figured he could be up this late. Not that he slept most nights anyway.

He was pacing, biting his nails, and constantly pushing his hair out of his face. He didn't know why he had let it get so long, it was too much like is fathers, but still he didn't cut it.

He finally had enough of his hair and did a quick charm that put in into a small bun. Then he put is wand back into his pocket and paced back and forth in front of the fireplace.

What was wrong with him? Why was a smile so haunting? Why was it Potter's smile?

Why? 

"Pacing that fast isn't going to help." Draco whipped around to see who dared to interrupt his internal screaming when he saw Potter standing there, a meter away.

"You should be in bed." Was all Draco responded with. Why did the world taunt him? Potter of all people just had to be the one that had caught him pacing.

"So should you." Potter commented and sat down in a near by chair, tucking his feet under himself and crossing his arms tightly around his chest.

"I couldn't sleep, too much on my mind." Draco mumbled, not really knowing why he responded.

"Me too." Potter's voice had gotten softer, and Draco noticed that he was staring into the fire, just like he did every morning. 

Draco sighed, sat down and pulled out his sketch book and looked up briefly at Potter. It was a new day and a new position, he couldn't really bring himself to not draw Potter.

He looked down at the blank page and started with basic lines. First where Potter would be on the page, then a very light sketch of the chair he sat in. The scratching filled his ears and he began to fully immerse himself into his drawing.

A hour ticked by, and Draco was glad it was only 3 am, because he really didn't want Potter to leave, because the mornings never seemed to last long enough.

Draco had finished his drawing and had started to draw the Whomping Willow, when he looked up at Potter and found he had fallen asleep.

Draco almost laughed. Potter had fallen asleep in the same room as him, Draco Malfoy. Draco's eyes scanned over Potter's face. He seemed so peaceful, young, hopeful. Like he wasn't broken beyond easy repair.

Draco then wondered, did he look peaceful in his sleep.

He didn't think so, he was never at peace.

But Potter had moved some, and his head was resting on his arm. 

A new position to draw.

So Draco drew it.

The time neared 7, and Draco knew early risers were soon to flood the common room, so he stood up. He took the drawing of Harry and placed it face down next to him.

Draco stopped in is tracks for a second. He had called Harry, Harry in his mind.

As Draco thought over what that meant, he knew with a little peace, he could survive this year.


	8. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.

WARNING!! Detailed depictions of self-harm. For those who do not want to read it, there will be a summary at the end, you can skip ahead to that.

Please, do not read if this is a sensitive topic to you, I don't want to be the cause of any panic or anxiety attacks.

I also ask the comments from going too far into detail.

Sorry for any inconveniences.

Despite Draco Malfoy's attempts to avoid people, they always found him.

All he wanted was to be alone. But here he was, surrounded by 6th years, in a secluded corridor. 

He knew he deserve this. All the words they threw at him, he's heard them all before.

Traitor. Death Eater. Murder. Bastard. Evil. Abomination. Shit. Whore. Less. Useless. Unwanted. Disappointment. Unloved. Not Worth It. Just Like His Father.

They were all titles they threw at him, they wanted to hurt him, he couldn't blame them. He was a unwanted, unloved, useless, murdering bastard. He was a Death Eater. His mark would never go away. He was never going to erase what he had done.

Even though he deserved this, he needed to get out of this hallway. He needed to leave. Needed to go take care of the itch on his left forearm. He was done trying to stop himself like he had promised his mother, done. 

He tried to push past the 6th years, tried to remove himself, but they wouldn't let him.

"Running scared? Just like the fucking Malfoy you are. What? Don't want to fight back. Maybe I'll just have to punch harder." A tall 6th year Ravenclaw said, stepping toward Draco and swinging with all her might.

Draco didn't even try to dodge, there was no point. She had hit him pretty hard, and he took a step back, only to be tripped by a small Hufflepuff boy behind him.

He fell to the ground and gently touched his face, but made no attempt to stand up. They'd get bored. They'd leave. All the other groups did.

The leader of the group, a Gryffindor he didn't recognize, walked up and smirked down at him. "Scared Malfoy?"

Draco said the first thing that came to mind. "You wish." Draco returned with his own smirk. He knew he shouldn't instigate them, but he'd had enough.

The Gryffindor looked offended, then kicked Draco in the stomach.

Draco doubled over and couldn't breath, tears blurred his eyes, and could almost swear he had heard a crack. He heard the entire group laugh.

"You're pathetic." Someone spat at him. Them he heard them walk away, apparently satisfied that they had roughed him up a bit.

As they left the hall, he stood up painfully. He clutched his abdomen, there was defiantly something broken. But he couldn't care less. He fucking deserved it.

He deserved it.

That was all he thought as he stumbled into a bathroom and fell onto the ground in front of the sinks. He tried to regulate his breathing, and tried to ignore the itch.

THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPHS UNTIL HARRY'S POV HAVE GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF SELF-HARM

But why should he ignore it? Why should he let himself suffer? Hadn't he done enough of that today? Why couldn't he escape? Who cared anyway?

He felt no emotions as he slowly pulled up is left sleeve. He looked at his pale arm, the black mark that he hated with his entire being.

That had been his fathers doing, much like everything in his life.

The thin scars on his Mark was the only thing he liked about himself. Those scars. The ones he had put on himself. They were his doing. Not his fathers. His. They made him feel like himself.

So he produced a razor blade from his robes. He didn't usually have one with him, but he figured that he should today.

He found a smooth, uncut place, just at the head of the snake, dangerously close to his wrists. Not that he cared.

He slowly brought the blade to his arm. Slowly pressed down. Slowly sliced. Savoring the pain it brought.

Then he moved just below that one, blood already dripping off his arm onto the ground.

He again slowly pressed down. Again slowly sliced. He knew he was going a little too deep. But he didn't care. All he cared about was the pain. The escape.

He wanted to escape. The pain was the way to escape. Blood that covered his entire arm was the escape. Rows and rows of open cuts was the way to escape.

He didn't really care if he survived this year or not.

~*~*~*~*~ (Should be fine to read now.)

It wasn't that Harry was stalking Malfoy. But he had been wondering where he was. Even though he usually didn't eat lunch, Harry's curiosity had gotten the better of him. He quickly finished a small lunch, and headed to his dorm, where he pulled out the Marauders Map and scanned it until he found Draco Malfoy written above a pair of feet. He then noticed all the names around his. In a circle, surrounding him. At first Harry had no idea what was going on, because he didn't really recognize any of the names, so he thought maybe they were his friends. But Harry knew better. 

It became obvious that they were not his friends quickly. One name took a step towards him, then he moved back, as if startled. The group then got in front of him, and someone was nearly standing on top of him. Harry felt his stomach drop, he had to do something. He quickly left the dorms and moved to where he had seen Draco's name. It was on the 3rd floor, one of the back corridors that didn't usually get a lot of foot traffic. He rushed up the stairs, barely able to remember which ones where trick ones. He was so close when the stares decided to move. He yelled out a profanity and looked around frantically to find another way to the hall.

He saw it, all he had to do was wait for the stairs to connect, though waiting was nearly killing him. When he was able to, the ran to where he had seen Draco's name surrounded by at least ten others. When he turned to corner, his stomach dropped, Draco wasn't there. Where was he? Thankfully Harry had shoved the Map into his pocket without closing it. He scanned the Map, then saw Draco's name in a bathroom a little ways behind Harry. He turned quickly and rushed down the hall. He saw that Draco was alone this time, and almost didn't want to open the door. 

They weren't friends. They didn't talk to each other. They had despised each other for years. Yet here was Harry, rushing to his rescue like they cared about each other. But Harry did care. He cared because Draco had given him silence. He found himself turning the doorknob only to find it locked. He cursed and used Alohomora. He opened the door as slowly as he could just to keep him from throwing the door open and scaring Draco.

Draco was on the floor in front of the sinks. He looked up at Harry with a blank expression and Harry was a little confused. Why was Draco in here? Then he saw it. Draco's wrist. Thick crimson blood seeped out of wounds Harry couldn't see due to the blood. He quickly sat down in front of Draco and took the razor blade from him. Harry set the bloody thing on the ground and carefully pulled Draco's arm towards him and cleaned the blood away from it with a small charm.

He looked into Draco's eyes, and only saw a blank face. His eyes glossed over, and he looked almost bored. Blood had started to pull again around the cuts. Thank God there were only two. He again cleaned it away, and produced bandages from his wand. He was glad he knew how to do that, he couldn't stand not being able to help. He wrapped Draco's arm and looked again into his eyes. And again Draco's eyes glossed over. Harry looked at him silently for a few minutes, then sighed. He moved to Draco's left and sat down next to him. He still held his arm with is hand, and they sat in silence.

SUMMARY:

Draco was being bullied by some asshole 6th years, he really wasn't to leave but they didn't let him. He was punched in the face then kicked in the gut by the 'leader'. He stumbled into a bathroom, he felt that some of his ribs had broken. He then started to hurt himself, calling it a way to escape.

Harry was wondering where Draco was, so he check the Marauders Map in a totally non-stalker-ish way. He saw that Draco was surrounded by people, and he figured they weren't exactly friendly, so he rushes to where he saw Draco's name, and didn't see him. Thankfully he still had the Map with him, so he went to the bathroom Draco was in. He cleans up Draco's arm and bandages it. They then sit in silence.


	9. I Understand

Harry didn't know what to say to Draco. What could he say? He knew nothing of why, but he wished he did. He wished he could help Draco. His heart twisted when he felt like there was nothing he could do. He wanted to make it better, wanted to save him, but how could he? He knew very little about Draco, only that he had started to draw in 4th year.

4th year. The Triwizard Tournament. The year Voldemort returned. The year Cedric died. Why had Draco started drawing that year? What happened? Had he just wanted to try something new? Something told Harry that it was bigger than that. Why would Draco start drawing. Voldemort was risen, and Death Eaters started to organize again. Death Eaters like Lucius Malfoy. Had Draco start drawing to put his mind at ease when his father disappeared? Was it the stress, fear for is father, of his father. 

Why would Draco fear, he was born to be a Death Eater. He was groomed to continue the Malfoy legacy of darkness. Then it hit Harry. All the similarities between them. Suddenly Harry knew what to say.

"I understand." He said in a soft voice, filling the silence of the bathroom with those two words. He looked at Draco, his face was still blank, so he continued. "I understand what's it's like to be pressured into doing something you don't want to do. Be someone else for the people around you. I understand what it's like to have your entire life planed out for you, but no one tell you until it's too late to change anything. I understand having whispers about you follow you around because of one mark. I understand what it's like to feel helpless, to want to get away from it all. I understand what it's like to feel like you deserve to be hated. I understand feeling like everything is your fault. But... It's not your fault... Draco," He said his name, it almost felt weird on his tongue, he looked over at Draco and noticed a single tear was starting to fall. "It's not your fault. You don't deserve to be treated like shit. You're a good person. You're the reason so many people are alive today. Maybe you don't see it, but Draco, I do." At this point, Draco was crying. Tears streamed down his face, but he stayed silent.

Harry wanted to help more, but what more could he say? At least it was the truth. Harry then noticed the bruise on Draco's cheek. What else had those students done to him? It made Harry angry. He didn't know why, just because he had said those words didn't make them friends, but Harry still felt protective of Draco. He probably needed to take him to the Hospital Wing, but he didn't think Draco would agree. He tried anyway. "You need to go see Madam Pomfrey." Draco didn't argue, it was almost like he was afraid to open his mouth, afraid of what would come out.

So Harry helped Draco stand, holding him by his elbow and shoulder. Draco stood, and stared off into the distance, but walked with Harry. Draco had slightly bent over and was clutching his stomach. Harry wondered what had happened, and clenched his jaw. He hated seeing people hurt. They slowly made their way to the Hospital Wing, which wasn't that far. Thankfully they didn't run into anyone, Harry did not want to deal with questions. All he wanted was to take Draco to the hospital and see that he got better.

As they walked in, Madam Pomfrey saw them. "Mr.Potter, Mr.Malfoy? What happened? Here, lay him on this bed." She directed them to the closest bed, and Harry help Draco onto it. "Boys, what happened? Why is there blood on your robes-" She then noticed the bandages and pressed her lips tightly together. She sighed and walked to her potions cupboard. She pulled out two small vials and walked over. She held out the first one, "this will heal those cuts into scars, and this one," she held out the other one, "will replace the blood that you lost. Are there any other injuries?" She looked at Harry.

"Er, he was holding his stomach, and he got punched in the face." Harry offered, not knowing anything else. He really wanted to know what happened.

"Well, I can check for internal problems easy enough, and I'll grab some ice for his face. Do you know who did this?" She asked and Harry shook his head. He silently cursed himself for not writing down all the names that had been there. He could be so stupid. "Well." She sighed and her wand started to emit a dull yellow light. She hovered over Draco's abdomen and the light turned purple. "Broken ribs. I'll get something to heal those up." She briskly walked off and returned with another vial and an ice pack. "Here. I'll check in on you in a few minutes. I assume you'll be staying, Mr.Potter?" Harry just nodded.

When she had walked off Harry pulled up a chair and sat down next to Draco who had stayed quiet. He took the potions one by one, making a face at the last one. "I can't be as bad as skele-gro. Do you remember when Lockheart removed all the bones from my forearm? I had to stay here over night and regrow them, it was rather painful." Harry said trying to make Draco say something. Sure he was used to the silence, but right now Draco didn't need to be alone with his thoughts.

"Did he actually remove the bones?" Draco asked turning to Harry.

Harry laughed, "yeah, then he said, 'Well, at least it's not broken anymore.' McGonagall freaked out and told him off."

"I remember that. There was a hexed bludger. It kept following your around. You had the worst luck when it came to quidditch. First your wild broom, then the bludger, then the dementors. Honestly, every year it was something trying to kill you." Draco said with a small smile. A genuine smile. Small, and covered in pain, but still genuine.

"Were you keeping tabs on me?" Harry joked, "everyone probably knows about my knack for almost getting killed every year."

"Only so I could make fun of you later for it." Draco responded matter-of-factly.

"You much have a lot to make fun of me for, considering how many times I've almost died in the last seven years. At least twice each year, not including the one summer dementors had attacked me and my cousin." Harry said pulling his knees to his chest.

"You do have a knack for almost dying, it's the only thing you're good at." Draco added with a another smile. But it quickly faded, he looked down at his arm, the bandages. He slowly started to undo them when his hands started shaking. Harry noticed.

Harry reached over and gently took his arm. He slowly unwrapped it and looked at all the scars. They both found themselves in silence again, The two newer ones had healed, joining the sadly large number of existing scars. Harry suddenly had an idea.

~*~*~*~*~

Draco hated himself more than ever. 

He was weak.

Not only had he needed help, he had also cried. What would his father say? What would his father do?

But he knew exactly what his father would do. He'd tell him that he was a Malfoy and Malfoys where held to a high standard. He'd tell Draco how pathetic he was. And how he didn't raise a pathetic son. He's walk around Draco has he stood in the sitting room. He'd tell him too get his act together. 

Then he'd sit Draco down and have Draco write everything a Malfoy was and wasn't how ever many times it took for his father to be pleased. Sometimes it'd take hours, but Draco wasn't allowed to move, only write. 

When it was done his father would smile, and tell him not to forget it. Then he'd leave, and treat him normally the next day. As if it had never happened. 

Draco had wished it never had.

Now he was siting alone in the Hospital Wing. Harry had left, saying he needed to do something, and Madam Pomfrey had said he was to spend the night.

Draco really didn't want Harry to leave. Harry was a distraction from today's events. He really needed a distraction, and he didn't have his sketch pad with him. He was already starting to fidget.

He didn't know what to do with himself. He was alone with his thoughts, and he hated it.

So his mind had him want to say all the things his father had made him write. But he couldn't let himself, it would end badly.

So Draco distracted himself with listing the magical properties of porcupine quills. It was tedious and boring, but it was keeping his mind occupied. Sometimes he wondered if he belonged in Ravenclaw, and he gave a bitter laugh.

Ravenclaw was better than Slytherin.

Yes, Draco loved his house, he had house pride, he was glad to be there. But wearing green was like putting a target on your back. All the other houses either avoided you or jinxed you, and they never talked to you like a person. In their eyes, everyone wearing green was evil.

They never bothered to make friends with Slytherins. They never bothered to act kindly. That was why Slytherins kept to themselves. Because everyone else judged them before they had gotten to know them, and it hurt.

Even the 1st and 2nd years got it bad from older students. How shallow do you have to be to make fun of a 11 or 12 year old because they wore green? How 'brave', or 'wise', or 'kind' did that make someone? 

Why did it matter what colour someone had on, as the Sorting Hat had said, everyone shared a school.

But, Slytherin wasn't free from inter-house bitterness. Slytherins viewed everyone else as below them, pressed this idea onto the younger Slytherins. They never tried to be greater, break the stereotype. They became what others had accused them of, evil.

The houses where a mess. Everything about them. The system was flawed.

But this year it had started to change. Because of the Sorting Ceremony.

Draco had also noticed it in the halls, less fights. He had seen younger Hufflepuffs walking with Slytherins, going to classes, laughing. He had seen older Ravenclaws in the library, helping 1st year Slytherins find books.

It was only a week in, and already the mold was breaking. It gave Draco a small bit of hope in the world. Hopefully it continued to change.

Maybe one day the sorting was nothing more than just keeping all the 1st years separate so they didn't explode the school. But maybe that was a little much. A little rivalry wouldn't hurt, as long as it was fun a lighthearted.

Draco looked back down at his left forearm.

24.

24 thin scars.

24 times he had hurt himself.

16 different times.

1 reason.

Draco desperately wanted to survive this year. Just to say he won.


	10. Flower Power

Draco was alone. 

Harry had needed to do something, and Draco was alone.

His thoughts had started to run wild and his attempts to organize them had failed.

Draco started to wonder if Harry would come back at all. Harry had said a lot of things, things he probably wouldn't have said around Draco under any other circumstance. Harry probably didn't want to deal with Draco.

Draco was a mess. An emotional burden. Someone Draco himself wouldn't want to be by. He didn't blame Harry from running off.

Draco's anxiety had started to grow.

What if Harry told Granger and Weasley? What if it got out that Draco Malfoy was a mess? That he had needed help because of some 6th years? That he couldn't live with himself? That Draco had cried? That Draco was weak?

His anxiety had started to overwhelm him. He tried to calm himself down. Tried to regulate his breathing.

It was almost like he could already hear the laughter. The teasing. The whispers. He could feel the stares. 

Draco needed fresh air. He needed to clear his mind. Just has Draco was starting to sit up, Harry walked back in.

Draco sighed with relief. A distraction.

But Harry wasn't alone. He was with Luna Lovegood.

Draco's anxiety, with had just started to go away, increased. A million thoughts raced his mind. They were all equally horrible.

"Hey. I know you probably don't want another person here, but Luna has helped me with somethings, and I thought it would be good for you to talk to her." Harry said running his hand through his hair and looking away. Draco hoped his fear wasn't showing on his face.

"Or, if you don't want to talk, you could let me draw on you." Luna held up a small bag, Draco's face contorted with confusion. "It's like a tattoo, but becomes washable when you want it to." She offered, Draco still wasn't sure of what she meant.

"Sorry, this isn't helpful. I... just thought... maybe if she... I don't know... covered it up... it'd help you? But it's no big deal, she'll leave if you don't want her help." Harry said quickly, picking up on Draco's hesitation.

Draco really didn't want anyone else there, just Harry. He wanted to be alone with Harry, and he wasn't sure how to feel about that. But he wanted to know something first, it was eating away at his brain. "Why would you help me?" He said in a small voice.

"Why wouldn't I?" She offered, then she sat next to Draco and pulled out some paint brushes. "May I?" She reached her hand out to Draco's left arm. He slowly reached out to her.

"Because," he looked at her with a pained expression. "You were..." He didn't know what to say to tell her what he felt. "I'm so sorry." Is all he offered. Tears threatened to show. He couldn't cry, not again. He didn't want to show how weak he really was.

"What are you sorry for? You didn't torturer me. And you saved Harry. You're the reason I'm alive." She had started to paint, she made bold black lines on his forearm, covering up scars and distorting his Mark. The paint was cold against his skin, but he didn't mind it.

"I could have helped you." He said, fighting back a sob. He could have helped more. He was a horrible person. He ignored her screams, her cries for help. How could she forgive him?

"Then we'd both be dead, and wouldn't have helped anyone. To be honest, I'm glad we're both not dead." She said. The lines she was making looked more and more like large flowers.

"The world would be a better place if I was dead." Draco lost all emotion because it was true. If he had died, the world would be better off. One less evil murder to worry about.

"No it wouldn't." It was Harry who said it. He had said it so strongly Draco was a little taken back.

"Miss me too much Potter?" Draco said turning to him with a playful look on his face. This was the distraction he needed.

"Only making fun of you. If you weren't here I couldn't make 'My Father Will Hear About This' jokes behind your back. And that's peak comedy for me." He said sitting on the other side of Draco.

"You should hear the jokes about you I make behind your back. It would be about what Perfect Saint Potter had screwed up that day. You screw up a lot, there was a lot of jokes." Draco retorted as if Harry failing was a fact of life. Which it was, there was always something Perfect Potter had messed up horribly. Mostly in Potions.

"What ever you say mister 'A Hippogriff Scratched Me Now I'm Going To Die'. Honestly I laughed about that for weeks." Harry said rolling his eyes.

"Yes, laughing at my pain, how very Gryffindor like of you." He sneered holding back a smile. Harry was really good at distracting him. He felt himself relax more. Everything was clam, okay, in that moment.

"As if that wasn't what you did to me. Having a double standard, how very Slytherin like of you." Harry shook his head teasingly. 

Draco felt a warmth in his heart that he hadn't felt in a very long time. Was it possible that he was becoming friends with Harry? Dare he say it felt good?

"If you two are done bickering like an old married couple, I'd like to show Draco the finishing touches." Luna said before Draco could respond. Draco felt so much better, like he had friends. Luna calling him by his first name made him feel like maybe they were friends.

"You're going to love it." Harry said leaning over the bed to look at what Luna had done.

Draco looked and was a loss for words. 

It was beautiful. Flowers in all shaded of blues seemed to blossom out of his arm. His Mark and scars were all covered up, he couldn't even tell they were there.

The flowers seemed to center around a single red rose in the middle of his forearm. It was perfectly shaded that it appeared real. He wanted to touch it, to see if maybe Luna had just placed a rose on him.

"That's not even the best part." Harry said, practically whispering in Draco's ear, he was leaning in close to look over Draco's shoulder to see. Draco suddenly became all too aware of the lack of space between them, he could feel the warmth emitting off of Harry's chest. His heart jumped a little.

"How? How can it get better, it's beautiful." He breathed. His mouth was slightly opened, his right hand was close to his face. It really was beautiful.

"Like this." Luna said and tapped his arm with her wand.

Then the flowers started to change colours. It shifted into a soft blue, then to a green, then coming to rest at different shades of soft pinks.

"You're happy." Luna noted, packing up her paints. Draco just looked at her with astonishment. "It reads your moods. It's a simple charm really. I gave Harry a chart of all the colours if you want to look them over, but guessing is always fun too. I need to go now, I'll leave you two be." She said and started to walk off.

"Wait." He choked. He got up and pulled her into a hug. "Thank you." He breathed into her hair.

When he stepped back she smiled and said, "That's what friends are for." Then she left him standing in the middle of the hospital, tossing the word 'friends' around in his head. He was really going to cry. But this time it didn't seem as horrible. She was his friend. 

Friend.

Draco was going to survive this year.


	11. Friends

Harry walked over to Draco and looked at him, really looked at him, for the first time. Usually Harry just noticed it was Draco, and that his hair was longer, and that was it. Now Harry saw more. He saw that his hair was just brushing his shoulders, it was ungelled, but pushed back so it had no part. His cheeks and jaw line were well defined but had a soft look to them, like they had been made with clay. His nose was thin, and slightly turned upwards at the end, making it's profile unique and honestly beautiful. His eyes were focused on where Luna had been a few seconds before, their silver tint standing out more because they were red rimmed. He looked like he was going to cry.

Harry gently touched Draco's arm and lead him back to the hospital bed, Madam Pomfrey probably wouldn't like him being up. Draco complied, not saying a word as he sat down on the bed. Harry sat next to him and looked down at his feet. It had been a weird day. He had learned a lot, even though Draco hadn't said much. But Harry was glad he had taken the risk of talking and telling the truth in the bathroom. He didn't know what would have happened if he hadn't wondered where Draco was. If he had brushed it off. He shook his head, he couldn't let himself get worked up on 'What If's.

The bed creaked and he looked over to see Draco sitting with his legs crossed, brushing his fingers over the bouquet Luna had painted on his arm. Harry remembered the colour chart Luna had given him over the summer when he had gotten something similar. He pulled it out and handed it to Draco. As Draco read over the chart the flowers began to shift to a dull yellow-orange colour. Harry didn't remember what that colour meant, so he leaned over Draco's shoulder and looked. His chest barely touched Draco, and he felt like little pin points of lightning were coursing though him. He brushed it off.

The yellow-orange colour meant 'Wonder'. And that could mean lots of things. Harry pondered what could give Draco wonder. It was most likely the flowers themselves, he had called them beautiful. Harry thought they were beautiful too, they seemed to add a touch of colour to Draco's pale skin and platinum blonde hair. Honestly everything about Draco was pale and light coloured, expect his robes, the black green seemed to perfectly match Draco. Green and black were really his colours. 

"Wonder." Harry said quietly, still leaning in close to Draco. Draco looked over at him and studied his face. Harry didn't know what he saw, but he looked back to his arm quickly.

"It's because I'm wondering why you're still here. There's nothing to do, and I'm sure Granger and Weasley will be wonder where you are." Draco said putting the chart in his robes and moving so he was leaning on the headboard. He stretched his legs out behind Harry's back and crossed his arms.

"They've gotten used to my random absences. and that's not what wonder means. But if you want me to leave..." Harry sad playfully. He smiled and started to get up.

"Well, you're already here, and I have noting to do. It's fine if you stay I guess." Draco looked away and Harry sat back down

"Could it be that you enjoy my company?" Harry teased putting on a exaggerated shocked expression.

"Don't flatter yourself, having you here is only slightly better than boredom." Draco assured Harry.

"Only slightly." Harry agreed nodding his head. "But I am the one who found you, so it's only fair if I'm the one that helps you through the boredom." Harry said pulling one of his legs up onto the bed.

"Fair to who? Certainly not me." Draco gave a small smile and Harry's stomach dropped a little, again. "What where you doing in the bathroom on the third floor anyway?" Draco looked at Harry, and Harry blushed. 

He gave a weak smile. "Well, I was wondering where you were, because you weren't at lunch, even though I know you don't eat lunch in the Great Hall, so I... um... went looking for you." Harry looked away and rubbed the back of his neck.

"How did you find me?" Draco said, though Harry couldn't see Draco's face, he figured there was a cautious look on his face, due to the way he asked.

"Oh. Uh... well... er... I have this map... of Hogwarts... that... well, er... shows everybody... in the castle. Where they are, what their doing... every minute of every day... So I opened it, and found your name... Then I was that there was a lot of people around you... So I went to see what was going on." Harry bit his lip, he had started blushing more.

"You have a map of the castle that shows where everyone is at all times?!" Harry turned toward Draco and and gave a small shrug. "What? How on earth did you get that?!" Draco asked trowing his hands in the air. "Of course Harry Fucking Potter as a magical map of the school, why wouldn't he." He added under his breath.

"Yeah, well it's not really mine, I just have it. My dad, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Petigrew made it when they were in Hogwarts. The Fred and George Weasley got a hold of it, and then gave it to me in third year." Harry said, vomiting all his thoughts out before he could stop himself. His heart pained at the mention of all those people. Most of them were dead, fighting in a war, fighting for Harry. Their deaths were his fault, and their was no way to change that.

Draco sighed and shook his head. "Honestly, I shouldn't be surprised. You always seem to have something unique and very rare when it's needed. To people just give you these things on your birthday? Do they think it makes a good birthday present? 'Ah yes, Harry, you're 13 now, here's the map of the school that shouldn't exist, it will help you stalk people and avoid teachers. This is a great gift to give a child.'" He said the last in a weird voice. Harry couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah, something like that. I guess it that does sound a little mental. Giving third year me a very powerful map that helped me avoid Filtch whenever I left of my dorm at night." Harry gave a half smile remembering all the times he had avoided Filtch, though that was thanks to the Cloak.

"You should just have to be cautious like the rest of us." Draco said teasingly.

"But I'm not like the rest of you, I'm the Chosen One." Harry looked up and put on his biggest grin then dramatically ran his hand though his hair.

Draco snorted, "Please, if anything they should have taken things away from you. Surely the Chosen One could have figured it out without any extra help." He narrowed his eyes but Harry saw a small smile creep onto his face.

This felt right. Sitting here, across from Draco, joking, laughing, having fun. Not having to worry about people, or questions. He felt happy, truly happy, for the first time in many months. Maybe it was crazy that it was Draco that was making his feel happy, like they weight on his shoulders was gone. But he didn't care, because it felt right. Harry wondered if Draco felt the same, like they could relax with each other, unlike with other people. Harry hoped it wasn't just him, he didn't want to annoy Draco. But when he saw Draco smile, he figured Draco felt it too.

"Boys." Madam Pomfrey interrupted. "Mr.Potter, it's time for dinner. Mr.Malfoy will be released for classes tomorrow, you can see him them. Now go." She waved him off. "And I don't want you sneaking in here either, he needs rest." She pressured.

"Yes ma'am, I wouldn't even think about disturbing him. Goodnight Draco." Harry was about to turn, when he gave Draco a small wink. Because that was exactly what he was going to do. He just wanted to grab something first.

Harry walked off and realized that he hadn't really described Draco's lips when he was looking at his earlier. Harry only really noticed how nice they were. They looked soft, but Harry couldn't be too sure, seeing as he never touched Draco's lips. Visions of him touching them bombarded his mind and he blushed, he was glad no one was around to notice. Why was he thinking of Draco's lips anyway? And why did his stomach drop every time he did?


	12. Uncomfortable Feelings

Draco watched as the sun set through the window opposite him.

Dusty blue faded into orange. Orange faded into the dark violet of twilight.

Draco was alone again. But he didn't feel as alone.

Because of Harry's wink.

That wink. It was a promise of his return.

Sure he had the unfair advantage of the Map. But he wasn't invisible. How could he sneak past Madam Pomfrey's watchful eyes that never seemed to rest.

Draco was sure it was implying Harry would come back, but what if it wasn't? What else could it have meant. Thinking of the wink gave Draco's stomach butterflies. He didn't like that reaction. 

Why was there even a reaction in the first place, it was Harry.

Even though it seemed unlikely, Draco couldn't help but glace over at the hospital entrance. 

Draco found himself exited when footsteps echoed around him. But Harry wouldn't walk so loud if he was trying to sneak in. He was smarter than that. Maybe.

It wasn't Harry, it was another Gryffindor boy. He came in covering his mouth. Apparently, he had gotten his teeth turned into rubber by a candy.

Madam Pomfrey quickly had things sorted out, and was mumbling something along the lines of, "Once they were done I thought I'd been in the clear."

She was referring to the Weasley twins. Everyone knew of their pranks and jokes and tricks. He had heard they opened a shop, and everyone enjoyed it. Everyone always enjoyed the Twins. Even Draco had liked their Firework display 5th year.

But he knew one of them had died. At the Battle of Hogwarts.

It was Draco's fault. Everything was Draco's fault.

But Harry had said it wasn't.

Harry had said he understood feeling like it was though. 

How could it bee Harry's fault? He had saved so many people, ended the war. While Draco had helped start it. Draco didn't do anything to help. 

The flowers on Draco's arm began to shift to a dark blue.

"I'm going to head out for a second. I need to pick up some potions Slughorn was brewing for me, I'll be back soon." Madam Pomfrey said as she briskly walked by Draco's bead, pulling his attention away from his arm.

If Harry was going to show up, now would be the time. 

He heard Madam Pomfrey's footsteps fade and waited. He needed a distraction. Harry was that distraction. He needed Harry. As much as he hated to emit it, he needed Harry.

Then he heard soft footsteps next to him. But he didn't see anything. Who's footsteps were they? They seemed to close. But no one was there.

All of the sudden Harry appeared next to Draco out of thin air.

Draco nearly jumped out of his skin. His heart kick started and he tightly closed his eyes. "Blood fuck Potter! What the fuck? How did- You have an Invisibility Cloak?!" Draco said now seeing the cloak Harry was folding neatly by him. "Of course you do." Draco sighed and placed a hand over his heart, which hadn't calmed down yet.

"Sorry, I should have warned you." Harry said rubbing the back of his neck and blushing slightly. 

"A Map of everyone and everything in the castle wasn't enough for you? With both of those you could kill everyone in the castle. You nearly gave me a heart attack." Draco glared over at Harry.

"Actually, I got the Cloak first. I got it for Christmas... First year... From Dumbledore..." Harry ran his hand through his hair and gave a meek smile.

"Of course. The Chosen One got an Invisibility Cloak as an 11 year old. That makes perfect fucking sense." Draco shot towards Harry. His heart was finally calming down. Harry looked at his curiously, tilting his head slightly to the side, as if he was contemplating something. "What?" Draco sneered. As much as a distraction Harry was, he didn't like being scared. He hated it.

"It's just..." Harry said vaguely making a motion with his hands. "It's just weird. Usually when people call me the 'Chosen One' or the 'Golden Boy', I don't really like it. But when you say it, as if it was an offensive term, I don't mind as much." Harry said thoughtfully.

"Odd kink Potter." Draco said, taking joy in how red Harry turned. 

"That's not! No, that's... that's not... w-what I..." Harry sighed and buried his head in his hands. Draco gave a small smile, seeing Harry flustered was pay back for being scared.

"Whatever you say Potter." Draco said shaking his head. His hair fell into his eyes and he did his usual charm to put it into a small bun. He wondered what his father would think, with his hair in a bun.

"You can call me Harry." Harry said gently. Sure Draco had been calling Harry 'Harry', in his mind, but out loud was different. It held more weight.

"Why? Do you like when I say your name? Is it like when I call you the Golden Boy?" Draco teased lifting an eyebrow, Harry grew red again.

"No. Just stop." Harry sighed exasperatedly. He threw his hands up in surrendered. "Anyway, I brought your sketch pad. I figured you'd want something to do if I got caught and had to leave." Harry said pulling Draco's things from his robes. He handed them to Draco.

"You went through my things?" Draco said accusingly. He really didn't care, but why not tease? "Did you go through my drawings as well." That he did care about.

"No. I only went into your room and 'Accio'ed it. And I wouldn't invade on your drawings, I figured you wouldn't like that." Harry said softly. Draco didn't think he was lying.

Draco flipped through pages of Harry. Not only had he drawn him in the morning, but most of the sketches are Harry doing different things. In class. At lunch. In the court yard. Talking with friends. 

All of course from his photographic memory. He thanked his mother for that. It was why he did so well in classes. Or used to. 

When there was a reason.

Draco started to draw Harry again. He glanced up to get a reference when he heard footsteps walking briskly back. Harry had just pulled himself under the cloak when Madam Pomfrey entered and walked by Draco.

She walked to the potions cupboard and stored the vials quickly. She glanced over at Draco, seeing the open sketch pad in his hands. She gave a knowing smile and stepped into her office, shutting the door behind her.

"I thought she's see me. I'm glad she didn't though. McGonagall might have cried if I got caught this early in the school year doing something against the rules. She thinks I've settled down, and I don't want to break that illusion just yet." Harry said again folding up the cloak next to him.

"Honestly, the more I talk to you, the more Slytherin you become. You might need to rethink if you really belong in Gryffindor, Harry." Draco said. That was his first time calling Harry by his first name, it rolled off his tongue and his stomach flipped. It felt nice to call a friend by their first name. Really it was only Pansy and Blaise that he called by first name.

Harry looked at him as if he knew something Draco didn't. He gave a small laugh, sending more butterflies to Draco's stomach. Draco didn't pay too much attention to it, maybe it would go away in time.

Draco figured it would be that hard to survive this year, he had Harry to help.

~*~*~*~*~

Harry gave a small laugh. If only Draco knew that he had almost been sorted into to Slytherin. Harry began to wonder what life as a Slytherin would have been like. He might of become friends with Draco sooner. Might have joined in on his antics, if only to be normal. Would he have become seaker first year? Would he have saved Ginny second year? What would Remus and Sirius had thought? Would he had been put into the Triwizard Tournament? Would he and Draco become more than friends? Harry shook his head at thought. Where had that come from?

"What?" Draco asked commenting on how Harry had suddenly shook his head.

"I was picturing what life as a Slytherin would have been like. Horrible if you ask me." Harry said. Technically he wasn't lying, but maybe that last thought wasn't that horrible? Maybe his brain had meant best friends? It was probably the lack of sleep getting to him, messing with his brain. "I was almost sorted into Slytherin." Harry said casually. He wanted to get his mind off of whatever it was going on about.

"Really?" Draco said blinking a few times. He narrowed his eyes and looked off to the side. He did that when he was thinking. Harry wasn't that observant, but when it came to Draco, he could help but notice. "You wouldn't have made it through the first night." Draco said just as casually.

"I'll have to take your word for it. Though if one things true, I can't seem to die." Harry said jokingly.

"A sad truth. Maybe I'll dedicate my life to killing you?" Draco said giving a small, Draco-like smile, then looked down again at his drawing. Harry wished he knew what he was drawing, Draco was really good at it. The sketch he got of himself that morning. Thinking of the small gift and the small smile that graced Draco's lips made his heart flutter.   
"I'd like to see you try." Harry said teasingly.

"I exceed at everything I try, thank you very much. I wouldn't expect you to understand exceeding." Draco said mater-of-factly.

"You must try really hard to be a git them." Harry shot back, with a small smile of his own.

"It comes naturally towards you, you're really easy to dislike." Draco said running his hand through his hair unconsciously. The bun he had put it in fell away, and Harry's heart seemed to want to stop. It had parted to the side and fell like a silk curtain around his face.

"Only to you, everyone else loves me." Harry said, wanting to get his mind off of Draco's hair. Harry wasn't gay, he had liked girls before. Sure it was only two, but he also had never like any guy before. Sleep deprivation can do wonders to a person.

"Fangirlling is not the same as liking someone as a person." Draco commented. "But you too unobservant to notice the difference anyway."

"Is that why you climbed a tree 4th year? To get my attention? If you wanted and autog-" Harry was cut off by Draco.

"No. I was up there because I wanted to be. It just so happened that you came walking by. Not all my choices revolve around you." Draco said defensively.

"Only most of them." Harry added, then couldn't help but grin when Draco shot him a glare. "Are you sure you weren't up there to feel tall? You weren't taller than me at that point." Harry said smiling, "Did you have a height complex?" Harry asked trying to sound supportive of Draco's made up complex.

"No. As if. I am, and always will be perfect." Draco said siting up a little straighter.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." Harry said, giving him an unbelieving smile.

"Sod off." Draco said grouchily. Harry couldn't help but laugh. He waved off the death glare he got from Draco and smiled wider. Sitting here with Draco felt good. Like there was no pressure, no one needed anything form Harry other than to be himself.

Harry felt calm and happy, because all the problems he always seemed to struggle under, lifted when he joked light-heartedly with Draco. Sure there were other, not so comfortable feelings that lurked in his mind, jumping out at him when he least expected. But the good feelings, the ones making it earlier, they made it all worth while. Harry had suffered for a long time, he was glad to feel free, even if it was temporary. Draco made him happy. It was that simple. But also very complicated. All Harry knew for sure was, he wouldn't have been able to survive this year with out Draco. What started as silence had morphed into friendship and understanding. Harry chose to ignore the feeling that he wanted it to turn into something more than just friendship, sleep deprivation works wonders on a person.


	13. A Midnight Walk

Midnight quickly approached the two boys as they sat in the hospital wing. Harry had completely exhausted the topic of homework and quidditch and the conversation threatened to die. Not that Harry wasn't okay with the silence, just Harry didn't want to leave Draco alone with his thoughts at the moment. Harry understood the way your mind always tended to betray you with unwanted thoughts and feelings. But Harry had ran out of topics that he wanted to talk about, topics that were safe from bad memories. 

"Do you want to go for a walk around the castle?" Harry suggested before he really thought about it. A midnight walk around the castle would clear Draco's head, and Harry's, and would get them some fresh air. But a midnight walk around the castle alone with Draco invited the thoughts Harry wanted to clear from his mind. But there was no taking it back, he had already said it.

"Sure, I could use a walk around the castle. Not like I have anything better to do anyway." Draco said placing his sketch pad down next to him. Over the hours, he had finished a few drawings, and he had just started a new one. Harry still hadn't asked what he was drawing, but he suspected it was him. Every now and again Draco, when looking up, would look at another part of Harry, like his hair or robes, then sketch again. 

"Great. If we want to, we can both fit under the Cloak, but I can use the Map and we probably won't have to." Harry said standing up. Him and Draco under the Cloak together. These were the thoughts he wanted out of his head. Harry did not like Draco. Period. It was only friendship. That's all there is. Friendship. Harry really didn't want more, it was just his sleep deprivation acting up. 

"As long as we don't get caught, I don't care. Honestly, I don't want detention this early on in the year." Draco said as he got off the bed and ran his hand through his hair again. He'd been doing that all night, and it made Harry angry. Right after it made his heart flutter, he really wished Draco would stop doing that.

"But later in the year is fine?" Harry ask jokingly. He pulled out the Map and grabbed the Cloak, just in case. 

"I don't want detention at all. But if I had to have it, I'd want it later in the year." Draco said, not offering farther explanation. They both started to walk to the door.

"I solemnly swear I'm up to no good." Harry said, tapping his wand to the blank Map he held in his hands. Draco peered over his shoulder and watched the Map come to life. Even though Draco was only a little taller than Harry, he seemed to tower over him.

"Does it only open to that? Or can you just say something along those lines?" Draco asked as Harry searched for Filtch's name. 

"It has to be that specifically. If you get it wrong Misters Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs will tell you off." Harry said finding Filtch in the dungeons near the Slytherin common rooms. "He's near the dungeons, and no one's on this floor, we should be fine for a while."

"Then, lets go." Draco said walking out of the Hospital Wing. Harry quickly followed after him, matching his pace.

"Do you often take walks around the castle at night?" Draco asked, slowing down so the walk wouldn't go by so quickly. They could see a moon rising above them from the windows, and a vast scattering of stars that illuminated the night.

"Not really, unless I have a reason, I never really had the time. Between sleeping and foiling plans of the people who wanted me dead, I didn't have time to take a stroll though the castle." Harry said checking the Map again, to see if they were in the clear, but mostly so he could stop himself from starring at Draco. The soft moon light seemed to make his hair glow a dull white light, and Harry wanted to touch it. But he wouldn't, that would be weird, and they had just started to become friends. Harry didn't really want to ruin that.

"I guess you never really had time to yourself, you never really had a normal teenage life. With parties and games and drinking." Draco gave a small laugh. "Who knew the Chosen One was a shut in." He joked, but he was right. Harry had never had a normal childhood, and his teenage years weren't much better.

"Eh, it doesn't matter in the end anyway. I'll just have less stories to tell my grandchildren." Harry said trying to cover up the fact that he wanted to experience what normal teens experience. For one day he wanted to not be the Chosen One, to party and play games and drink. Have fun and play pranks, to laugh without doom looming over him.

"You'll have plenty of stories to tell your grandchildren Golden Boy. Those things though, would be for you." Draco said as they turned a corner into a corridor with no windows. The sudden change in light made both of them pull out their wands and use Lumos. Where moon light gave Draco's hair a pure dull light, the light coming from his wand made and eerie dull light glow from his white blonde hair. But were, in different way, strikingly beautiful. "We should do it." 

"Do what?" Harry asked, he had almost forgotten what they were talking about when he had to chastise his mind for calling any part of Draco beautiful, even if it was true.

"Give you a normal teenage year." Draco said thoughtfully, running his hand through his hair, again. Harry was confused enough as it was, he didn't need his heart to betray him like his mind.

"With parties and games and drinking?" Harry asked raising and eyebrow. He checked the Map again, but Filtch's name had moved, he looked for it, then checked the floor they were on. There was Filtch's name, walking along a corridor ahead of them. He was just turning down the hall they were in when Harry pulled Draco into an empty classroom and closed the door gently. He held a finger to his lips and watched as Filtch's name passed by the door.

Draco had come up next to him and looked as Filtch left the hall they were just in. "Yes, filled to the brim with parties and games and drinking." He said in a whisper. Draco was really close to Harry, and his words sent a shiver down his spine. He could feel the warmth radiating off of Draco and he was internally screaming. He was so close. His face was close to Harry's. He had whispered something in the dark to Harry. Something Harry couldn't understand at the moment because he was trying to calm down his heart, which wanted to beat out of his chest.

This was a challenge, and the Gryffindor inside of him came to life. He decided to meet it head on. So he turned toward Draco, their faces close, and responded in a whisper, "That would be nice." Sure, his feeling were a mess, and he was still internally screaming, but he locked eyes with Draco's grey irises that seemed to swirl with different shades of beautiful pure silver. "Let's do it."


	14. Stars

Draco's heart gave a little flutter. It wasn't big, but it was noticeable.

The eye contact had caused it. He had not been expecting Harry to look him in the eyes.

Harry's eyes. Gemstone green. They stood out against his darker skin. His eyes were a lighter, jade colour, with darker, murkier rims that bordered his pupil and the edge of his irises.

They way they caught even the tiniest bit of light, and shone in the darkest of places, took Draco back. Sure Harry's eyes always stood out, and Draco often found himself admiring them. But he had never seen them in the dark. 

They were breath taking.

Draco found himself not wanting to move. Not wanting to leave. Not wanting to stop looking into his eyes.

But Harry had said something and they were moving.

They were leaving, and they were turning a corner. But Draco was hardly paying attention. He was still shocked at the eye contact.

The reason why was hiding, running, he couldn't catch it. But it seemed important. 

"Draco?" He heard Harry said, he snapped back to reality. He hadn't been paying attention, he had zoned out, thinking of things that alluded him.

Harry saying his name gave him a similar feeling. "Hm?" Draco raised his eyebrows, trying to remember if Harry had said anything before.

"You zoned out. I was just wondering if somethings wrong." Harry said.

They had turned into a corridor with big windows and had 'Nox'ed their wands and returned them to their robes. "Sorry. I tend to do that. Pansy used to make fun of me for it." In fact, he'd been doing this for years. He always tried avoid doing it, but sometimes he couldn't help it.

"Many people get lost in their head. I sometimes do it too. Did Pansy not like her boyfriend not paying attention to her every second?" Harry said. The way he mentioned Draco's relationship with Pansy almost seemed sour. Or was Draco just imaging it?

"Despite popular belief, me and Pansy never really dated. We just pretended. Our parents wanted us to date, so we kept up the lie that we were. She's not really my type." Not many people knew that he had never dated Pansy. Telling Harry this felt good though, clearing up Draco's past. Because that's what friends do.

"Really? Didn't you go to the Yule Ball with her?" Harry said, but did Draco hear some relief in his voice? But why would Harry be relieved that he had never dated Pansy?

"We went as friends. and you went to the Ball with one of the Patil twins, does that mean you two dated?" Draco said, pointing out that who you go with to a Ball does not determine you you date.

"Point taken." Harry said shrugging. "The only reason I went with her was because Cho had already said yes to Cedric, and it was Ron who asked them anyway. I didn't really dance, it was a boring night." Harry said, though he did remember the odd conversation he over heard Hagrid having.

"Really? The Savior of the Wizarding world didn't have fan girls just waiting to dance with you?" Draco said sarcastically. 

"By fourth year everyone had gotten over me. I was glad not to have as many whispers following me in the halls. Though the younger students still starred." Harry said. He looked over at Draco and gave a small smile.

"Did you know you had an official fan club? That year they took most of my 'Potter Stinks' badges and tried to change them. But I had made sure that they all were thoroughly protected." Draco said. He remembered the fan club. It was always fun to bust in on their meetings. No one knew how he had always found them, but he would laugh at them. But before he told them how stalkerish they were, he'd listen, they spied for him, unknowingly.

"I had a fan club?" Harry asked shocked. Did he really not know?

"They were so obvious. It was annoying, honestly. They followed you around like lost puppies. They gave me death glares and threatened me to leave you alone. It was hilarious." He had, on many occasions, been told to leave Harry alone, 'or else'. He laughed them off and ignored them.

"And they helped so much." Harry sad sarcastically. "Because I can't take care of myself."

"Of course not, you need to be babysat at all times. Who knows what you would get into on your own. Crazy things like killing teachers and basilisks." Draco offered in a factual tone. Harry rolled his eyes but smiled.

Harry checked the Map again. "The school would be a wreck without me and you know it. Voldemort would have returned 1st year, and it would have been all down hill from there." Draco flinched at that name, he had barley ever said it after 4th year, he knew how much weight it held.

"Then I'm glad you were there." Draco responded softly. It was true, he was really glad that The Dark Lord had not returned in 1st year. He would have preferred he had never returned at all. With him came despair.

"Me too." Harry said in the same soft voice. He lowered the map and looked out of the window to the moon. He came to a stop and peered out to the Forbidden Forest. 

Draco came and stood besides him. He too looked out of the window, but he gazed to the stars. The constellation Lacerta, the Lizard could be seen, shining in the east. 

Draco had always loved stars. Everything about them. They always seemed to far away. But bright, and welcoming. Their beautiful light always seemed so pure, untouched by evil things.

But now, the things that once brought Draco so much wonder, felt dark and distant. Somewhere between that day, and a year ago, when he had last star gazed, he had lost the childlike fascination of them.

Draco suddenly felt very trapped. He felt like he could not escape a doom that he wasn't even aware of. Like something lurked in the dark, waiting for a chance to drag Draco away, to forever be lost.

Forgotten. Unloved. Useless. Unwanted.

No one would miss him.

"Draco?" Harry touched his arm gently.

No, someone would miss him. He was wanted. He would not be forgotten.

Because Harry was right there. Harry wanted him. Harry would not forget him. Harry would never leave him.

He turned to Harry, tears burned his eyes. Harry cared.

Before he really knew what he was doing, he pulled Harry into a hug. He wrapped his arms around Harry's neck and rested his forehead on Harry's shoulder.

At first Harry was stiff and didn't move, but soon he hugged Draco back and relaxed a little.

Tears began to fall, and he lest out one, tiny, almost silent sob.

He was going to survive this year. He was. Because Harry cared for him.


	15. Sleep

Without a word, both boys made their way back to the Hospital Wing.

Draco had grown tried suddenly. He was glad Harry hadn't said anything. Draco didn't really want to tell Harry what had happened.

Purely because he was afraid of what would happen if he opened his mouth.

As they silently walked down a dark corridor, Harry check the Map. He saw nothing and they reached the Hospital.

It was a quarter past one. Draco hadn't felt like they had been out for and hour and some odd minuets, but he had zoned out a couple of times.

He silently walked to his bed and placed the sketch pad on a side table next to him.

Harry stood behind him, not knowing what to do. Draco didn't really know either. 

What could you say to someone who had seen you so vulnerable? Draco hadn't brought himself to look Harry in his eyes after he had hugged him.

He didn't want to see Harry's eyes and the emotion they held.

Draco sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He caught sight of his flowers. They were a green teal colour. He had read that green meant awkward, and teal meant tired.

Even the flowers were somewhere in between emotions.

Harry spoke in a soft voice behind him after a while. "Goodnight, Draco."

Draco turned around and looked into Harry's emerald eyes, then said, with a shaky voice, two words. They had so much meaning. The held so much weight. They were heavy on his tongue. They felt like molasses as he said them. But he meant them. Both of them. "Thank you."

Harry smiled a small, understanding smile. "Thank you too." Then he turned around, threw the Cloak on over him, and disappeared from Draco's sight.

Draco said down. Why had Harry thanked him? What had Draco done for him? All Draco had done was be a burden. A fragile object. A waste of time. 

But maybe, just like it was with himself, Harry felt better with someone who understood.

Someone who knew exactly what he was going through.

Draco and Harry weren't so different.

Draco laid back and starred at the ceiling. There were so many things that he wanted to ask Harry. So many questions running through his head. Still his eye lids grew heavy.

Eventually, his flowers shifted from the light green of curiosity to the dark blue of sleep.

Draco shifted into a dream.

It was bright. Flowers bloomed and grew and wilted right in front of his eyes.

The sun was above him, never moving. Tall grasses blew in a soft breeze that fluttered through his hair like fingers.

Someone was humming a song he had never heard before. It was sweet, and soft, and filled Draco with peace.

The person humming was siting behind him to his right. 

But he didn't look to see who it was. The dream knew, so he had no reason too.

And they sat there, Draco and the person he didn't know, for what felt like hours. They sat in peace. A calm Draco hadn't felt in a while. 

He watched flowers span through their lives in a matter of seconds, but that was normal. Lives go by so quickly. But that was life. 

Then, the breeze that had felt like fingers running through his hair had turned into someone actually playing with it.

It was the person he was with. They were playing with his hair. Draco let them. 

They were still humming the unknown song, and they were now directly behind Draco.

Draco had never let any one mess with his hair. But he trusted this unknown person more than he had trusted anyone he had ever known. He had even stopped allowing his mother to touch his hair.

Draco closed his eyes and listened to the humming. The voice felt familiar, yet still so unknown. 

But, as long as they were humming, Draco didn't care who it was. Nothing mattered at that moment. Everything was peaceful. He was calm.

Everything was perfect.

Until Madam Pomfrey woke him up. She had gently shook him awake and let him go. 

It was about a hour before breakfast, so Draco headed down to the 8th year dormitories.

When he stepped inside, he saw Harry. He had half a mind to walk over there, but Harry wasn't alone. Weasley was with him.

He gave Harry a small nod and walked past him. Harry had looked eyes with him briefly, but then turned back to Weasley, who was rambling something about classes.

Draco stepped into his dorm as Theodore Nott was leaving. Blaise was still in bed, but looked awake.

"Where were you last night?" Blaise asked tiredly. Blaise was one of the few people who were still civil with him, though he wouldn't really call him a friend anymore.

"Ask your mother." Draco responded. He didn't want to tell Blaise anything.

"She wouldn't stoop so low as to be with a blonde." He retorted and got up. They spoke no more, and Draco left before Blaise, only to run into Pansy.

"Morning. Blaise still in there?" She asked polity. The only other person besides Harry and Blaise that treated him civilly was Pansy. She had given Draco space, and hadn't pushed, and he appreciated that. Maybe they were kind of friends still, maybe.

"Yes. He's half dressed. Just don't use my bed." He called after her as she went in. They weren't really together last time he checked, but he still liked to tease them.

"No promises." She said as she closed the door behind herself. 

Draco rolled his eyes, Pansy always just played along with his jokes, knowing he'd always win any retort contest she started. 

This morning almost felt good. Like things were getting back to normal.

In fact he had almost went to the Great Hall for breakfast. But he decided that other people may not be so kind to him as to speak with him.

So he walked off the the kitchens and greeted the elves. He had learned a few of their names over the week.

They welcomed him joyfully. They liked him. Even though he came everyday, they still were just as joyed when he came.

Then he heard the door open and his heart started to race. Who was there? What were they doing here? 

But he turned and saw Harry. He couldn't help but smile. "Following me?" He teased. The elves had surrounded Harry. They had two guests, what a lovely morning,

"No need when I can find you easily enough on the Map." He said walking over to Draco. "You know, Hermione isn't allowed in the kitchens anymore. She started to try to talk to the elves about freedom, and they kicked her out. She even when as far as place hats and scarves around the Gryffindor common room. Then the elves stopped cleaning our dorms. Only one did, I believe you knew Dobby." Harry said returning Draco's small smile. He looked as if he was about tell Draco a story.

That was fine with Draco, he liked when Harry talked.

When Harry talked, Draco was reminded of the humming from his dream.

Draco was going to like this year.


	16. Dreamless Nights

Harry found himself, once again, throwing glances at Draco throughout the day. He couldn't help but feel better as he looked at Draco's silent frame in the halls. It was Tuesday, and they didn't share any classes. Harry found the schedule odd. Most days they went to class with all the 8th years, but Tuesdays, they had gotten to chose what classes to take, so everyone was split up.

A part of Harry didn't like the fact that Draco made him feel better. That part of him wanted to jinx and hex Draco every time Harry saw him. But he kept it under control. It was probably all those years fighting each other, it never seemed to let go. It longed for the normalcy of telling him to sod off and ignoring his sneers and smirks.

Another part though, wanted Draco around at all times. Wanted to always be able to see him, and be reassured that he wasn't alone. That someone knew, someone understood. And that someone had probably been the reason Harry had gotten dreamless sleep. He hadn't woken up to screams and flashes of green light and wild, unhinged, laughter. Or even just seeing everyone who died tell him it was his fault, seeing their love ones cradle their bodies and weep. Their voices shrill and never ending.

He also found himself willing the time to speed forward to the next morning. He wanted the silent calming presence that helped him feel better. Ron and Hermione noticed him getting more talkative. Almost like he was going back to normal. They had asked him about it, and he said it was due to the fact they were back at Hogwarts, doing something they had done so many times in their lives. Ron agreed that he felt more at home now too, but Hermione, true to herself, knew there was probably something more to it.

That was why, when Draco walked into the common room that night after dinner, Harry forced himself not to look too long at him. He wanted to get up, talk to him, walk with him, just be near him. But he knew if he so much as looked at Draco differently than normal, Hermione would catch on. He allowed himself a small look, and caught Draco's eyes for just a second. 

Thankfully, Draco moved on, appearing to not even notice him. Harry didn't want people to know just yet, not because he felt ashamed, but because it was more precious when it was in secret. It felt more his. He didn't really know how to explain exactly what he was feeling, even to himself. He also knew Ron would throw a fit. He loved Ron and all, but he could be over the top sometimes.

Harry went to bed round 10, not wanting to stay up any longer. He knew that tonight, he would get a peaceful sleep like he had done the night before, especially with the promise that Draco would be there in the morning. Unlike this morning, when he had still been in the Hospital Wing. Even though Harry hadn't woken up from a nightmare, he had still found himself up before everyone else. 

As he feel asleep, he continued to think of the comforting silence and the strange array of emotions that seemed to accompany Draco in his mind. They seemed oddly familiar, but still remained a stranger to him. He tried his best to ignore them, because he didn't like how they intruded in on the calm that engulfed him around Draco.

He quickly found himself in a dream world. White sea foam crashed into a rocky shore and a dull afternoon light hung loosely in the air. The sea, dark blue with shades of green rising from the deep, stretched on for as far has he could see. Gulls called from above his head, and he looked to see them. He followed their winged forms to a cliff behind him. The rock wall that rose menacingly up from the sand climbed higher and higher, until it disappeared behind clouds.

He suddenly felt like he was being watched. Infuriatingly slowly, he turned toward the sea again. Before his eyes could register what was there, it vanished in a poof of white mist. He didn't feel afraid of it, instead, he felt drawn to look for it. His eyes searched the rocky shore and found a shadow lurking among a pile of boulders that formed to look like a clutching hand. He crept toward it, not wanting it to run away. 

As he got close to it, what ever it was, took a step forward, it's front right paw just resting in the sunlight. He recognized the paw. It was a lion. A huge lion from the looks to how big just it's paw was. He and the lion walked towards each other, carefully. Harry didn't want it to run, the lion seemed to look afraid. Funny for a lion to be afraid of him, he was tiny in comparison, and couldn't do much damage if he wanted to.

Then he looked down at himself and froze. He wore his Hogwarts uniform, but a dark stain was spreading from his stomach. It crept up his shirt and he felt it. Warm and sticky. Blood. The world threatened to turn dark, how had he not felt himself bleeding before? What had happened? He looked up to lion for help, not knowing how this lion could do anything.

Then the lion pounced on him, pushing him into the ground. It's hot breathe huffed onto his face. It looked into his eyes, as if searching for something. It's silver eyes, suddenly, with the rest of it's head, looked at the now large stain of blood on him. Harry thought the lion was going to rip him open, help the wound, kill him. But, it slowly licked the wound, once, and closed it eyes. Golden light seeped out from the lions head, traveling down to Harry's abdomen. Harry felt a warm, fuzzy feeling slowly start to heal him. 

The light didn't stop when he felt the gash close, it snaked up to Harry's heart and rested there, warming Harry's entire body. The lion moved away, and turned to the ocean. It then looked to the dark rock wall and roared deafeningly. It echoed around Harry, causing him to grow a head ache. As the world turned dark, he saw the lion leap into the silver foam, disappearing into the water.

Harry opened his eyes and saw a blurry world. He reached for his glasses and checked the time, 4:37 am. He rubbed his eyes and sighed. Slowly the dream left him, and he quickly forgot that he had dreamed at all. Making his way to the common room, he felt nervous. Then, as he saw Draco sitting there, sketch pad open, lazily drawing, the nerves flew away. Draco looked up, and Harry offered a small smile. As Draco returned it, Harry sat in front of the fire once again, in a different position. To him, it had been another dreamless night, thanks to Draco.


	17. Un-Malfoy-Ish

As Harry came in and sat down, Draco let out a small breath of relief.

Harry seemed to always be accompanied by calm, and that was what Draco had needed. He had had another nightmare.

One that often came to him. It was really more of a memory, but it hurt him.

It was the day, over Easter break, when Harry had been dragged to the Manor. But it did not begin with the 5 prisoners being brought in. 

It began with Grangers' screams. 

High-pitched and terrible. They made his blood curdle. He knew that Bellatrix was hurting her, someone innocent. Someone brilliant, with a bright future. 

It would be different, if it had been someone like him. Someone who was a bully. Someone who had hurt others before. Someone who had done what they were told by the Carrows. Someone who did not fight back. If it had been him. He deserved pain. But Granger, she is a good person.

Yet he let it happen. He was too scared to do anything. He continued to listen to the evil people he was around. 

He was weak.

A coward.

Useless.

Unwanted.

Better off dead.

His forearm had started to dully itch again. And the flowers on his arm had turned white. He vaguely recalled that meant feeling worthless. They couldn't be more right.

He looked down at the blank page in his lap. He had been so caught up in hating himself, he hadn't drawn Harry.

He frowned a little. How long had he been thinking? Did he even have time to draw him this morning?

"Are you okay?" Harry's voice came from beside him suddenly. Draco jumped a little, he hadn't noticed Harry come over.

He saw Harry looking over at his flowers. He pulled his sleeve down. "I'm fine." He muttered and clenched his jaw.

Harry looked at him for a while. The silence, which usually was comfortable, turned awkward. Draco was about to leave, when Harry spoke softly.

"Do you remember the first time we met?"

The question took him by surprise. At least Harry hadn't pressed the colour of his flowers. "At Madam Malkins'. We were being fitted." Draco said recalling the memory. He hadn't even know it was Harry Potter he was talking to. It must have seemed outright awful. But of course he had, he was awful.

"Yeah. I had no idea what you were talking about. The muggles that raised me didn't ever speak of magic. They hated wizards, so I had actually never heard of Hogwarts until I got my letter." Harry gave a small laugh.

"Really? The muggles who raised you never told you?" But he was Harry Potter. "What did they do when you started showing accidental magic?" How had they kept it from him?

"They punished me and wouldn't hear reason." Draco was taken back. Punished him? For accidental magic? Even when he accidentally died his Fathers hair dark blue, he wasn't blamed. "There was this one time, they had my hair cut short, because they didn't like how untamed it was. Then I grew it back, and my aunt nearly died. She almost shaved my head, except my bangs. 'To hide that hideous scar.' But over night it grew back. Lucky, they couldn't find a reason for that to be my fault." Harry laughed at the memory. 

He took Draco's mind off of his nightmare, and Draco told Harry of his 1st accidental magic. "Mother came to wake me up one morning. Usually she woke me up gently and told me to get ready for breakfast. But instead of her soft voice, I heard her scream. I woke up frightened out of my mind. Suddenly all my furniture dropped to the ground and I fell forward onto the canopy above my bed. Apparently I had turned all my belongings upside down so they were on the ceiling." He smiled faintly at the happier time that seemed like so long ago.

"Really? In your sleep? Honestly, that would have been hilarious to see. You almost gave her a heart attack." Harry said giving a lop sided smile. Draco's heart suddenly gave a little flutter and Draco warned it. 

I can NOT have a crush on Potter! Do not have a crush on Harry, please. Draco begged to himself. "At first she was too shocked to do anything, but them she went around telling everyone. Even my father bragged a little." Harry and Draco had turned to face each other on the small couch that Draco had sat on this morning. Harry's emerald eyes seemed to shine a little as they imagined what had happened so many years ago.

"I bet. I mean, the entire room? On the ceiling? Lord, my aunt and uncle would have a field day with that. Granted it would have been hard considering I slept in the cupboard under the stairs until the my first letter arrived. They were worried they'd get in trouble for mistreating me, so they gave me my cousins second bedroom." Harry said as if living under the stairs was completely normal. 

Draco frowned and pulled his eyebrows together. "Wait, you slept in a cupboard under the stairs while your cousin had more than one room? But, why? I mean, you're the famous Harry Potter. The Boy Who Lived. Did they not realize you probably saved the entire world, magical and muggle? Even if they didn't, why would they treat any one like that? You were a child." Draco was stunned. Harry hadn't even been 11 by the sound of it.

"That wasn't the worst thing they did." He smiled sadly. Suddenly Draco felt his blood boil. He wanted to find Harry's relatives and hex them. Then he thought, that was how the Malfoys treated everyone else. How he had treated everyone else.

"Some people are horrible." Draco said solemnly.

"Good people do bad things sometimes." Harry responded.

"Bad people do good things sometimes." A few good deeds do not save a life time of evil.

"Ah yes, like the time Tom Riddle saved those puppies from a burning building. Very heroic." Harry said sarcastically. Draco's heart jumped a little. Oh lord, no.

"Don't forget he also helped old ladies cross the street. The elderly community loved him." Draco said, distracting himself from his not crush.

Harry snorted and let out a small chuckle. Smiling pleasantly at Draco. Again Draco's heart leaped from inside his chest. Great. That was absolutely just lovely.

"It's almost time to wake Ron up. He hates waking up in the mornings." Harry stood and stretched, his shirt reaching up a little to reveal his stomach. Was Draco imagining them, or did Harry have abs? God, he was a sucker for muscles. "I'll see you in class." Harry said and walked do his dorm with a small smile playing on his lips.

Why had Draco never really noticed how hot Harry was? He always saw him as good looking, but now?

One of the reasons he had seen though the illusion that Malfoys were better because they were Malfoys, was his heart.

In third year, when he found out he was gay, it completely shattered everything that he though he knew. 

He wondered what is father would think f he had known just how un-Malfoy-ish Draco really was.

But why did it have to be Harry?

How in the name of Merlin was he going to survive this year?


	18. Lifeline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love y’all.

The day for Harry once again consisted of him watching Draco when ever possible. He looked at Draco in DADA, at lunch, and when he passes by him in the common room after classes. He wanted to talk with him, like he did that morning. Talk about easy things. Simpler times. This morning was the best morning he'd had in while. The easy smiles were the best part. He felt like he didn't have to pretend he was okay. 

School was hard. With a fake smile plastered on his face, and all the noise, he needed a break. Draco was that break. It was odd to think that a person could help him so much. A person who happened to be Draco Malfoy. Harry laughed to himself, funny how life can turn around like that.

Dinner came around and Harry found himself looking at Draco more and more. He didn't want to wait for the morning to be himself. He wanted to feel relaxed now. Needed to feel relaxed. For some reason, a desperate feeling rose in his chest. What if his smile broke? What if it became too much for him? What if he needed that calm before the morning?

"Harry?" Hermione inquired. Harry pulled his eyes from Draco, who was sitting next to Pansy and Blaise.

"Hm?"

"I was just suggesting a Hogsmead weekend." Hermione said as her eyes darted to Draco. "McGonagall said we can go any time, as long as we informed her before hand, and we're back before sunset." Harry's stomach dropped. Hermione knew, she had figured it out. Of course she did.

"That sounds great." He said, keeping the fear out of his voice. Hermione knew. She'd bring it up. He didn't want to talk about it until he figured out all that he was feeling.

"Well," she stood up and took Ron's hand, pulling him away from his 3rd plate. He made a undignified noise, but stood up too. "Me and Ron are going to try and do homework in the library. We'll see you in the common room later." She walked of with Ron in tow. But Harry noticed the brief look she threw in Draco's direction.

He continued Draco-Watching, while slowly eating his small dinner. At least he was eating. Over the summer he had sometimes forgotten to eat. Food just never seemed that important. Just as he was finishing his pumpkin juice, Draco stood up and walked out of the Great Hall. He got to his feet and walked as slow as he could make himself. He didn't want to draw too much attention to himself. Hermione was one thing, but if anyone else put it together, it wouldn't be good.

He saw Draco turn down a corridor to the left. He picked up his pace and turned the corner and rushed to Draco who was in the middle of the hall. 

"Hey." He said lightly touching Draco's shoulder. Even the small touch warmed his fingers.

Draco turned quickly and jumped a little. When he saw it was Harry a small smile danced on his lips. "Hello." He said formally. But that was just how Draco talked.

"Want to go for a walk?" Harry suggested. He was glad he thought of something to say, because he had not thought of what to do once he got to Draco.

Draco tilted his head slightly to the side and gave a small shrug. Every movement Draco made in public was small, barley noticeable. But when he knew no one was watching, he seemed to be as dramatic as ever. "Sure." He looked like he wanted to say more, but stopped himself. 

Harry took a step forward and Draco fell into step next him. They didn't say anything, but Harry could already breathe more freely than he had most of the day. Harry led the way, though he didn't really know where he was going. He wanted to be alone, truly alone, with Draco. To be able to act freely, not just breathe. He was tempted to walk into one of the empty classrooms nearby, but wasn't sure how Draco would react to being pushed into an empty classroom.

Then they turned down a corridor with windows. Outside, the sun was starting to set. Harry slowed to a stop, and Draco followed suit. Harry looked out to the setting sun and suddenly, the day washed over him. Everything he felt through out the day bombarded his thoughts. He felt like he couldn't breathe. He backed up to the opposite wall and slide down the the ground. He breathed deeply, trying to force air down his uncooperative lungs. He stared into the sunset, not able to look anywhere else.

He felt Draco slide down to his left. But, unlike most times, he didn't stop the attack on his mind, he just softened it. Which was helpful, and Harry would have probably suffocated if he hadn't at next to him. The sun was lowering it's self behind the Forest. The golden glow making the trees seem like black spikes rising from even darker ground. Funny how sunsets were so beautiful, yet made such evil shadows.

Draco placed his hand on Harry's. Harry's heart stopped. The physical contact stilling all that was running through Harry's mind. The world seemed to still. Fire spread from his hand to his chest, shoving the weight off his chest. His lungs filled easily, no longer fighting.

Harry closed his eyes and let out a long breath. He grabbed on to Draco's fingers, holding on to his lifeline. He sat there, eyes closed, breathing steadily, leaning his head against the cold stone of the wall. Holding on to the only thing that kept him grounded.

He knew what Draco was trying to say in the simple gesture. All that he was trying to convey without a noise. All the feeling that Draco trying to put in it.

It's okay. I'm here. It said warmly. It gave him something to hold onto. I understand. It called into the darkness that engulfed Harry's heart. It shoved a sense of calm into his head. It did it's job, because Harry could feel the day leave him. It slipped away, moving from the warmth that was covering Harry's body.

The sun set, and they sat there for a long time. Neither made a move to stand. Both knew that as soon as they did, the moment would be lost. They knew that they'd have to wait for the morning to share this with each other again. The morning seemed so far away, they didn't want to let go.

And they didn't for a long time. They sat and watched the stars appear. Harry holding on to Draco's hand, because he knew, as soon as he let go, the day would approach him again. But maybe, if he held on long enough, he'd have the strength to make it.


	19. Potter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, Draco’s preferred last name

When they did git up, neither spoke as Draco let go of Harry's hand.

Neither spoke as they walked to the common room.

Neither spoke as Harry joined Weasley and Granger near the fire, and Draco went to his room.

Pansy and Blaise were in there doing homework on Blasie's bed. They smiled up at him, but didn't talk. 

Their friendship hadn't been the same since the War. Draco blamed himself. He hadn't spoken with them over the summer. He didn't write back, so they stopped sending owls.

Like most things, it was his fault. He knew he should probably try again, because they knew more about him than everyone else.

But Draco didn't feel like talking about the War and what happened after. He knew that was exactly what they'd ask him about.

Because they were bloody Slytherins, and knew everything about him. They knew he was afraid. They knew he was weak. They knew how much he opposed his father. So they would ask him why.

Draco didn't have an answer.

But he was still glad they were there, even if they didn't speak. Because he might explode if someone hadn't been there.

Because he held Harry Potters hand.

He was in full panic mode.

He had a crush on Harry Potter.

He held his hand.

Then Harry Fucking Potter, didn't move his hand away.

He felt like screaming.

Draco let a small smile seep across his face, before he caught himself. He hoped they hadn't noticed.

Then he saw Pansy wink at him. Fuck. She had seen it.

"Whose the boy?" She asked and Draco rolled his eyes. 

Blaise looked up and grinned, "Moved on from me already?" He joked. Draco and Blaise had never dated, but Blaise was the first guy Draco had made-out with.

"There is no new guy." Which was true, Harry wasn't knew in his life. He just saw hims differently was all.

"So an old guy? Is that were you've been running off to? As long as it isn't Finch-Fletchley again..." Pansy said turning the page of her book.

"Of course not, I wouldn't sink so low as to go for that again." Draco said picking up his favorite muggle book, The Hobbit. He had read it so many times the cover was frayed, but he liked it that way.

"Then who? Is it Potter?" Blaise asked. Draco tried to keep all emotions off of his faced.

He looked at him, looking slightly confused, "Potter?"

"Yes, Potter. The person you've been obsessing over since he rejected your hand shake in first year. " Blaise said nodding while talking.

"But, I was obsessed out of hate. You two know this." Draco said. What in the name of Merlin were they talking about?

"Still in denial." Pansy said shaking her head sadly.

Draco rolled his eyes. "I'm not denying anything. I only watched him because he was my rival. You two wouldn't understand."

"We've had crushes, we know what it's like." Pansy commented.

"I didn't have a crush on Potter. Please, I have standards." This was getting irritating, what were they going on about.

"In fourth year, if Potter had asked you to make out with him, would you have?"

"Anyone would be dumb not to. Just because I found someone as good-looking, doesn't mean I had a crush on them." Draco said definitively. 

"What's Potter's patronous?"

"Stag, but that's common knowledge."

"What's his favorite colour?"

Draco sighed, "light blue."

"When's his birthday?"

"July 31, but you could just ask any Gryffindor." Draco rolled his eyes. "Look, just because I know a lot about him doesn't mean I like him." He had reasons to know all these things.

"Sure. Anyway, just be careful, not many people would take kindly to the Pride and Joy of Gryffindor being with the Prince of Slytherin." Blaise warned. It wasn't just their houses people would not take kindly to.

Draco rolled his eyes. He seemed to roll his eyes a lot around them. "Besides, Potter's straight." The words stung. He should know better than fall for a straight person, but he couldn't help himself.

"Are you sure? Or are you just assuming?" Pansy said, eyeing him. She had probably heard the hurt when he said he was straight.

Draco laughed coldly. "The Savior of the Wizarding World, not straight? Please, that would be an outrage." 

"I don't know, maybe it'd change peoples view on it. Then you could live openly. Many people could live openly." That was true, he could change peoples out looks on it. But Draco was sure Harry was straight. He was dating Weaslette, and had a thing for Chang. 

Harry was the star Quidditch player for Gryffindor. He was the Champion of the Triwizard Tournament. He was Harry Fucking Potter. He was straight.

But hopefully not.

They sat in silence. Draco was thinking of a world where people were more accepting. He could walk around, hand in hand, with a guy. He wouldn't have to hide his feelings. That would be great.

Eventually he got ready for bed. Pansy left and Draco was closing his curtains. She and Blaise gave him a small goodnight.

Draco laid awake, listen to the sounds of sleep around him. He couldn't sleep. He kept imaging what it would be like to be with Harry. To call him his. To hold his hand in a romantic way. To kiss him.

Draco knew he should probably stop him mind from going there. To stop before it was too late to back out. Because Harry Potter was straight. So they would never be together.

He probably got a little sleep, because he looked at the clock and it was nearly 3. 

He sighed, that was probably the best he was going to get. So he made his way to the common room after getting dressed and getting his sketch pad.

As he walked in, he was Harry was already there. Draco smiled, looking down at Harry. 

Harry was laying on the ground, parallel with the fire place. He had his right forearm thrown over his eyes, and his glasses were pushed onto his head. He looked like he was sleeping.

But something was off. As Draco got closer he saw Harry's hands were clenched tightly and his jaw was locked.

Harry was not okay. Draco sat down next to him, not knowing what to do. 

What had happened? Harry wasn't out there until 4 most mornings.

What had woken him? What had made him come out here? Why did he seem so upset? Yesterday was bad, but Draco had hoped that he had helped. Maybe he hadn't done enough.

He looked at the part of Harry's face that was showing and wanted to hug him. Draco wanted to tell him that everything was going to be okay. That he was here. That Draco would help him.

But he didn't want to over step. So he did what he did yesterday, he grabbed Harry's hand.

He curled his fingers around his palm and drew circles with his thumb. He hoped the small gesture would help. He hoped Harry understood all that he was trying to say with it.

After a few minuets, Harry removed his arm from his red rimmed eyes and returned the pressure onto Draco's hand. 

Draco didn't ask questions, he just looked at the fire. He wanted to look at Harry, study his face. Draw him in his mind. But he didn't want to give himself away and ruin their timid friendship.

Harry Potter was straight, but he wasn't going to let it make him stop being his friend. He was going to help him though this year.

Draco hoped he could help Harry survive this year.


	20. A New Happy Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love flowers.

Why did things keep getting worse? Why was everything Harry had every felt weighing down on him suddenly? Why can't he be happy? Why can't he let go of the small things? Why was he such a failure? Why did people have to die for him? Why did he have to be the Chosen one?

These thoughts haunted Harry as he lay awake in his bed. He couldn't sleep, his mind getting closer and closer to and edge Harry didn't like. His thoughts betrayed him, they made him hurt. But they wouldn't go away. No matter how hard he tried to clear his mind, they persisted.

The only calm he had felt that day was when Draco had held his hand. And even then, it was fleeting. He needed Draco right now. He needed to calm down. He could feel panic rising up his chest, his room suffocated him. The curtains made shadows too dark to be real. Everything was hot, he couldn't breathe. He needed Draco.

So he went to the spot where he could meet Draco. His heart plummeted when he didn't be the other boy. He knew he'd be out eventually. He knew all he had to do was wait. So he laid by the fire, as if it was a normal day. As if he wasn't suffering. As if Draco were there to reassure him he wasn't alone.

He started to cry. It was silent, and soft. The tears spilled onto his cheeks before rolling onto the ground. He stared up at the ceiling, his vision blurred and dark. Harry pushed his glasses off of his face and rubbed his eyes. He calmed his breathing.

In. Out. In. Out. In... Out. He commanded his lungs. He willed his heart to slow. He closed his eyes and tried going to his happy place, but it just wasn't the same. Why did his happy place feel different? Why did it feel like it was missing something? Everything was the same it had always been. Lake behind him. Trees below. Mountains in the distance. Him on his broom, alone in the vast sky.

Alone. That was what was wrong. Alone wasn't were he felt calm anymore. It was with Draco. When he was with Draco he was calm, happy, and like he was going to be okay. With Draco, Harry felt cared for. That was what Harry needed in his life. That was what Harry needed in his Happy place.

So he re-imagined everything. The first thing he added was flowers. A flower field that stretched as far as the eye could see. Next came the sky. It was a soft shade of blue, with white cotton clouds making odd shapes that Harry could just identify as something familiar. Then the tree. A willows whose branches hung over head, making a cool dim place to sit. The smell almost hit Harry like a train. It smelled like wet dirt and the soft sent of vanilla. He didn't know where the vanilla came from, but it was perfect.

The last thing was Draco. His white blonde hair cascading around his face in a silk curtain. A brilliant smile was married to his face. On which Harry had never seen on Draco's face. His grey eyes brimmed with laughter and warmth. He was wearing a black long-sleeve shirt that met dark jeans at his waist. He was leaning back on his hands that were pressing against the soft dirt. The sunlight from a unknown source shone on his hair and gave his a golden glow. He looked stunning. Draco was absolutely gorgeous. Harry's breathe caught at the sight of his looking so happy.

Then he felt the real world pull to him. He didn't want to leave, but the pull was persistent but soft, so he allowed himself to be dragged from his happy place. When he associated with the world, he noticed the faint sent of vanilla had stayed with him. Harry felt a small pressure on his left hand. He removed his forearm from his eyes and looked around, until his eyes rested on Draco's silent frame. He really was beautiful. Draco's eyes studied him for a second, and then looked at the fire. 

Harry was glad he didn't ask questions, he didn't want to explain what was going om. Nor did he want to tell Draco that his happy place was with him. He hadn't sorted out all his feelings yet, and really wasn't ready to disclose any information just yet. When he knew what was going on with his heart, maybe then he'd tell Draco of his new happy place

He knew soon that the time would come for him to go to classes, but the thought of doing anything caused him to panic. He wanted to stay and not do anything. He didn't want to have to pay attention to anyone. He wanted the day off. But Hermione would drag him to classes and Ron would tell him that the class wasn't that long, it wasn't that big of a deal. But it was. It was a huge deal that weighed on Harry like a ton of bricks.

Almost as if Draco had been reading his mind he spoke while still looking into the fire. "I don't want to do anything today. Maybe we should just stay in the dorms and let the day pass us by. I think we both could use a day off."

"I couldn't if I wanted to. Hermione would drag me off to class." Harry said, his voice rough from un-use.

"Leave a note and don't let her know where you're hiding. You could hide in my dorm. No one would mind and it would be the last place they looked." Draco offered, his eyes meeting Harry's. Harry just searched his eyes for something. He didn't really know what he found but it made him smile.

"You just want me in your bed." Harry replied sarcastically. 

Draco blushed slightly but said without hesitation, "I wouldn't need a bed."

It was Harry's turn to blush. "You'll have to prove that." He shot back. Draco gave his an amused look.

"Maybe I will." Draco gave a dramatic wink and Harry laughed. 

This was the feeling Harry was talking about, the overwhelming need to smile at Draco, to have him close, to never let him go. To want to hear his voice, and feel the relaxation that his presence that Draco gave Harry.

"How long do we have 'till people start to wake up?" And ruin the moment. Harry honestly couldn't wait to spend the day off from classes with Draco.

"About an hour and a half." Harry nodded, that wasn't that long if he thought about it. "So, are we going to skip classes today? What to you say, want to join me in the male Snake Pit?" Draco gave a smile. It was almost as big as the one he had had in Harry's happy place.

"I'd like to see the Snake Pit, sounds like fun." Harry said returning the smile.

Today was going to be better than yesterday, Harry was sure of it. Because he would be able to spend the entire day with Draco Malfoy, and that made his heart leap out of his chest.


	21. A Morning Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These bois need a break

Draco hoped a day off would help.

Seeing Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived Twice, so broken and haunted by the same thing he was, hurt him.

Funny how quickly he grew to care for Harry. After 7 years of mostly hate, it took a week and a half to become friends. Almost 3 days to develop a crush on him. Though it wasn't anything big, it was still there.

"We should go to my room before Nott and Blaise wake up. Nott won't ask too many questions, but Blaise won't leave us alone." Draco said after and hour of sitting and talking about nothing.

"Yeah, I guess. Just give me a second to write a note to Ron. I won't tell him where I am so they won't look for me. I'll take the Map though, to make it seem like I'm not still here." Harry said as if he'd been thinking about it.

"Lovely." Draco said standing and helping Harry up. He let go of Harry's hand, though he really didn't wan't to. 

They walked down the hall quietly. As they reached the Gryffindor room, Harry left and opened the door. He left a small crack and Draco's eyes were assaulted by shades of red and orange that seemed to bright for anyone to sleep with.

Harry came back and they continued to the next door. Draco pushed open the door softly. He knew neither boy in the room was a soft sleeper, but he didn't want to wake them, just in case.

Draco waved to his bed, which he was glad he had made that morning. Harry sat down awkwardly.

Of course it was a little awkward, they had only been on good terms for a week and a half. Draco sat next to him, hoping the awkwardness went away soon.

Eventually, Harry sat a back against the bed frame and laid his legs out in front of him. Draco sat across from him, pulling his legs to his chest.

Then they heard the shifting of blankets and the sound of someone getting out of bed. Probably Nott, Blaise made a lot of noise in the morning. Draco swiftly closed the curtains to his bed and held a finger to his lips, telling Harry to stay quiet.

Harry nodded and leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He probably hadn't gotten much sleep. 

Draco heard Nott get ready and leave. As Nott open the door, he heard Pansy say a brief hello and come into the room.

Draco gave a small smile as he heard Pansy jump onto Blaise's bed to wake him.

"Morning! Time to start the day." Pansy said as Blaise groaned. He heard the moving sheets and a loud thump as Pansy pushed Blaise off the bed.

"Hey! Why did you do that?! I was getting up!" Blaise grumbled and stood.

"No, you weren't. Come on, breakfast time. Get dressed you buffoon." Pansy told him demandingly. 

Blaise sighed and mumbled something about early risers. Draco stifled a laugh. They weren't actually together, because Pansy had a not so small crush on a girl neither boy could figure out. But it didn't stop them from acting like a newly married couple.

"Draco?" He head Pansy say softly, of course she would ask.

"I'm up. But if you jump on me, I'll murder you. You know I will." Draco said from behind the curtain, sure Pansy wouldn't really care that Harry was there, but Draco didn't feel like explaining.

"Are you okay? You're usually out of bed by now. Are you feeling well?" Her voice was laced with concern. He really should try to mend their friendship.

"I'm fine. I just didn't sleep well last night. I'm going to skip classes and sleep some more." Draco said. He knew she might challenge it, but he was going to stay.

She stayed quiet for a minute, as if wondering what she should say. She sighed, and Draco knew he won. "Okay. Just eat today." They heard the door open and two set of footsteps started to exit. "Have a good day, Dray." Pansy said. The door closed softly as they left.

"Dray?" Harry asked giving a small smile.

"Don't. She won't stop calling me it, no matter how many times I ask her to." Draco sighed, but that was Pansy.

"Sure, Dray." Harry said winking at him. Draco heart fluttered.

"Not you too. Please, I deal with it enough." Draco mumbled, but he honestly wouldn't mind a pet name from Harry.

Draco opened the curtains and locked the door. "Locking me in? What do you plan to do with me in here?" Harry asked jokingly. Draco fought a blush.

"If I had an axe..." Draco said fake thinking.

"Kinky."

"You'd know all about kinks wouldn't you?"

"I'll demonstrate for you if you ask."

"Well, if you insist." Draco looked at Harry for a split second before both boys started laughing. "With all this flirting I might think you gay." Draco said, his heart stopping, maybe he was gay? Or bi? Draco had a chance if he was bi.

"Only when I'm sleep deprived. How about you? You didn't even hesitate to 'flirt' back. Is Dray gay?" Harry teased. Draco heart sunk. He could tell him, should tell him, get it out there.

Instead he just rolled his eyes. "You started it last time I checked. Ask again when I start the 'flirting'." Draco countered. Maybe it was a a bad idea to come out to a guy. Who was on your bed. With the door locked.

"Will do." Harry said. Draco walked over to a chair and sat down, his back against one arm rest, his legs thrown over the other. "Ah, proper posture at it's finest." Harry teased at his position.

"I have perfect posture, I can assure you. The finest teachers in the world taught me. Do you doubt them?" Draco shot back. This banter was relaxed, fun, calming.

"I guess I've just been sitting wrong my entire life." Harry said. He was now sprawled on his back on Draco's bed, he looked tired.

"Do you want breakfast? I can call a house elf." Draco offered. Besides, he should eat too, Pansy had told him to anyways.

"You can do that?" Harry said looked over at Draco slightly confused.

"Yes. Have you never tried to get the house elves to come to your dorm? I even know most of their names." Draco said, slightly unbelieving. Maybe it was a Slytherin thing.

"No, I've never tried. I just go down to meals like a normal person." Harry said, looked up at the canopy over the bed.

"Pompi!" Draco called softly. A large, yellowish elf appeared and bowed. 

"What can I do for you?" He asked in s scratchy voice.

"Can we get breakfast in here today? And lunch?" Draco asked politely. The elf nodded and vanished.

"Would you look at that." Harry said sitting up and throwing his legs over the side of the bed.

The the elf appeared again and handed each boy a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast. Each boy thanked the elf has he left, and started to eat.

Harry ate quickly, nearly inhaling all the food. Draco raised a amused eyebrow. It wasn't as bad as Crabbe or Goyle had been, but it was still a little bad. Draco nearly laughed as Harry finished while he was still on his toast.

Harry laid back down and Draco picked up The Hobbit to read while he ate.

A few minutes had gone by when he looked up at Harry to ask him if he was any good at riddles, when he saw the other boy was asleep.

He was breathing slowly, and had a peaceful look about him. Draco figured it was best to let him sleep, so he ate and read in silence.

Draco hoped Harry could make it through the year, things were a lot more pleasant when Harry was there.


	22. Books and Wands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry has a really bad memory

The world slowly came back to Harry. As his eyes fluttered open, he looked around him. Green and silver adorned the walls and bed spreads. For a second he wondered why everything was green, then he remembered, he was in Draco's room. He must have fallen asleep in the relaxing silence Draco brought with him. It felt good to get some restful sleep, though it didn't feel like he had been asleep for long. He rubbed his eyes and closed them again, listening to the room.

It was silent, and he began to wonder if Draco had left. Then he heard the turn of a page, Draco was still there. Harry didn't really know why he was so happy that Draco hadn't left, but he was and that was all that mattered. He sat up and stretched, stifling a yawn. He looked over at where he assumed Draco was, considering that that was where Draco had been sitting, to meet the blondes silver eyes.

"Afternoon." Draco said courtly.

"What time is it?" Harry replied. Did Draco always talk so formally?

"Half past one. Most classes have let out, you're lucky none of the Slytherins have returned. Would have been hard to explain why my nemesis was sleeping on by bed."

"I'm sure you could have come up with something." Harry shrugged and swung his legs over the side of the bed and reposition his glasses on his face. He looked up at Draco again, as the boy sat his book on a near by desk. "Thank you." Harry told him softly, as is not wanting him to hear.

Draco looked at him curiously, and blinked once, "for what?"

"Nothing. It's stupid anyway." Harry answered quickly. For some reason, he didn't really want Draco to know about how much he appreciated Draco for staying with him. Before the blonde could press, Harry changed the subject. "I'm hungry," surprisingly, "is there any food?"

"Y-yes. It should still be warm." Draco was confused on the change of subject, but much to Harry's delight, he didn't press. "It's on the bed side table on the other side. I didn't want to wake you when it came."

Harry looked over and saw a small lunch on a gold platter. It was a sandwich and some muggle chips it looked like. The elf had probably known Harry would like something more simple. "Great." He pulled the plate towards himself and picked up a few chips. "Whatcha readin'?" He asked Draco to keep some conversation going.

"The Hobbit. It's my favorite book." He peered over at the cover for a second. "Have you ever read it?" He asked politely, he took Harry's snort as a no. "Well, it's really good. I would recommend it, but you aren't really a reader are you?" He asked sarcastically.

"Not really." Harry replied despite the sarcasm. "What's it about?"

"A hobbit." Draco said shortly.

"Well duh, but, like, what's the plot line?" Harry said rolling his eyes and biting down into his sandwich.

Draco gave a small smile, but started off in to a slightly-more-detailed-than-necessary summary of the book. Harry listened intently. Draco really liked the book, and his eyes seemed to light up when he got to his favorite parts in the book (something about trolls and another part about riddles). Harry liked the way he started to use his hands to explain things. And the way his smile seemed to reach his entire face. He also explained how the creatures were different that the actual things in real life. Apparently elves were beautiful and there were only seven wizards.

"Sorry, I must be boring you." Draco said suddenly coming to his halt of the explanation of how a dragon had started to massacre a town on a lake.

Harry looked at him and gave a warm smile, "not in the slightest. Seeing you so passionate about something is intriguing. Also, the story is interesting too. I'd watch it if it were a movie." Harry replied to him. A small flush seeped on to Draco's face.

"Movie?" He asked, instead of commenting on how his passion was interesting.

"A muggle thing. It's like wizard pictures, except they tell a story. I guess if you were to ask the painting to do a play for you. But can't talk to it, umm, it's like a book, but with visual elements." He explained. This was basically what Hermione had told Ron when he had asked.

"Ah." Draco said nodding, but Harry knew he didn't really understand. 

Harry was about to ask Draco to continue the story, when Draco took out his wand and said a small charm that put up his hair in what the muggles called a Man-Bun. Looking at Draco wand made Harry remember something. The wand Draco was using wasn't his actual wand! Harry gasped, mumbled how he'd be right back and sped off.

He ran into his dorm and stopped in front of his trunk. He searched frantically before he found the box he was looking for. Grabbing it, he ran back to the Slytherin dorm, where Draco was now standing looking very confused.

"Here." Harry huffed, pushing the box into Draco's hands before trying to catch his breath. Draco opened it suspiciously, but as soon as he saw what was in it, a look or disbelief married to his face.

He pulled out his wand, his first one. "Hawthorn and unicorn hair. Ten inches precisely. Reasonably springy." Harry remembered Ollivander saying. "Is... is it really...?" Draco tailed off and looked at Harry for conformation.

Harry nodded, "I wanted to give it back to you after your trial, but you had already left when I was leaving. I wanted to give it back to you in person, so I didn't owl it to you. Then I forgot I had it in my trunk."

Draco returned his eyes to his wand. He looked down at it in his hand for a while, before he gave it an experimental sweep. A bight light flew out of the wand and made it's way to the beds in the room. Harry could almost feel the magic in the air as he looked to see what Draco had done. "You made the beds?" Harry asked stifling a laugh.

"Yes." Draco said, trying to keep the grin off his face. At last the smile won and Draco beamed. Harry could have sworn that it actually let off light. Draco's eyes were bright and filled with raw happiness. "Thank you." He muttered softly, much like Harry had done earlier.

Harry remembered what it was like when he fixed his wand with the elder wand and held it for the first time in a long time. "You're welcome," was all he said. 

When Draco suggested they have tea while he continue on the adventures of a the Hobbit, Harry smiled and nodded. He felt happy he could bring such emotion to Draco's usually hard set face. He listened contently as he sat with tea a house elf brought him. He could get used to this, just him and Draco, without a care in the world. Besides missing dinner that is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Hobbit is my favorite book, and the movies are really good...


	23. Charms Essay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love Hermione so much

Dinner rolled around and passed Draco slowly. Harry, of course, had to talk to his friends, so Draco was left alone once again. 

Well, not really, Pansy and Blaise had chose to sit with him at dinner. But he'd rather not talk about why he took the day off. Pansy was glad to hear he ate, and Blaise was happy Draco was listening to his ranting about a hot Gryffindor he refused to name.

Funny, Draco thought, Slytherins guys must have a thing for Gryffindors. Not that he'd ever say so. He'd give himself away, and Pansy loved saying 'I told you so'.

After dinner Draco was glad he could escape to the Library to do his Charms essay. Not that he really needed to research anything, it was all review, but the Library was the best place to think.

That was how he found himself in a secluded corner of the Library, thinking about anything but his essay.

Harry resurfaced as the one thing on his mind keeping him from work. Harry fucking Potter. His stupid face, and stupid hair, and stupid kindness. He was hard too hate, once you got to know him, but Draco wished to anyway. If he hated Harry, he would not have to harbor a crush on him, and things could go back to normal. 

Why did Harry have to be so nice? And understanding? And hot? It was like the universe hated Draco or something. As if he was a character in a book in which the author didn't understand how the whole 'nemesis' thing worked. They hated each other because of their past and that was all. They did not become friends. They did not fall in love. Hate. That was it.

But of course, Draco got saddled with the deranged author and had to now deal with feelings and shit. Sure he'd had crushes before, but not on Harry fucking Potter. He didn't think.

He hated Harry, until now. Hate was the only thing that existed between them. Draco had not been pushing down a crush for seven years. 

Harry wasn't hot during any previous encounter. Not when he took off his shirt during the Triwizard Tournament. Not when he was out of breath after Quidditch practices. Not when he ran his hand through his hair every second of every day. Nope.

Then again, Harry may or may not have been the reason he started to question his sexuality. It may or my not have been when he was riding the blasted hippogriff. 

Please, the author of my life, do not make it so I was pushing down a crush for seven years. Please let me have some dignity. Draco prayed to this mysterious 'author'. But of course, he wrote his own story, made is own decisions. His life was his own.

He had not been pushing down a crush on Harry for seven years. It was only four years thank you very much.

Fuck.

Draco sighed and slammed his head on the table. His life was a mess and now Pansy had been right. Draco wondered if he'd ever be normal. But probably not, he was a Malfoy.

"Excuse me..." A voice came from next to him. He looked up to be met by Grangers brown eyes.

"I'm sorry, yes?" He asked polity. Had she said something?

"Oh, I was just wondering if I could see that book." She pointed to the book Draco had pulled out just in case he needed it for his essay.

"Oh, yes, of course." He reached over and handed her the leather bound book.

She took it and gave a small smile. "Thanks."

She had just turned away when Draco thought of something. "Wait, Granger!" He stood up and picked at his already short finer nails. Was he really going to do this?

"Yes?" Granger asked turning to face him, book pressed against her chest as if she was hugging it.

Yes he was go to do this. "I... umm... I just wanted to... er... I guess I just wanted to say..." He let out a sigh and looked her in the eye. "I would like to say I am sorry for the way I treated you in the past. And even this school year. I know you probably won't believe me, but around 3rd year I stopped meaning it. I just said it to keep up my reputation. Again, I'm sorry." He said in one breath.

That took a lot. He had grown up with the idea that Malfoy's did not apologize, it was below them. But here he was, saying sorry to Hermione Granger, a muggle born. His father would have had a field day.

Draco half expected her to walk away, or laugh at him, instead she smiled. "I don't know why, but I'm going to have to believe you. Thank you." He let out a sigh or relief, and offered her a small smile in return. "3rd year you say? Was that before or after I punched you?" She joked.

But he though about is seriously. Sure he had his little fit of gay panic before, but he didn't really accept it until the end or the school year. "After." He answered honestly. Then he gave a small laugh.

"I'd like to think I knocked some sense into you." She teased.

"One can only hope." He smiled briefly. Who knows? Knowing how his life was written so far, she really could have.

She was about to turn away when she decided the conversation was not over. "I noticed you weren't in classes today." 

It wasn't a question, but he answered her anyway. "I woke up with a headache." He lied. He was not going to tell her that he had helped Harry get out of classes, it would not end well for him.

"Harry wasn't either." She gave a knowing smile.

Draco was glad he had had so many years at practicing putting up facades, because if not, the surprise that she had put two and two together so quickly wouldn't have helped the situation. But denying it wouldn't help either. "You really are the brightest witch or our age." Was all he said.

"Well, I best be off. Thank you again for apologizing, it always takes a lot to say that you were wrong." Then she turned abruptly and strode off towards her own table.

Draco smiled to himself, it felt as if a weight had been lifted from his chest. That short conversation made him feel less like a monster. 

If Granger had just told him off, he wouldn't have complained, he doesn't deserve her forgiveness. But it would have sent him spiraling down again. 

His head was much clearer as he finished his Charms essay. It wasn't until he was packing up to leave when he realized Granger would have finished the essay the day they had gotten it. She hadn't needed that book.

She had given him a chance to prove himself. Hopefully he had surpassed what she had thought of him. Draco even surpassed what he thought of himself.

Surviving this year was going to be easy, as long as the insane author he had to deal with let it.


End file.
